Dawson's Creek
The Kiss

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The Kiss

Then newly-frosted Pacey The Monkey Boy walks out to his dad's police cruiser and gets into it, presumably to drive it to school. As if. Pacey calls to the little blonde cheerleader in her little mini-dress and her little backpack, and since she has no interest in inter-species romance, she of course ignores him. Presumably while trying to loosen his seatbelt to make his raging hard-on a bit less uncomfortable, Pacey crashes his dad's police cruiser into the new girl in town's Saab convertible. The new girl, one Andie "Calista Flockhart Jr." McVee, freaks because she thinks Pacey is a police officer. Pacey rises to the occasion by impersonating a police officer. Wacky hijinks ensue in which Pacey calls Andie "Blondie" and also "Little Miss." Excuse me while I extinguish a cigarette in my eye.

Cut to school hallway. Dawson and Joey meet at Joey's locker and almost kiss again but don't, because Joey loses her nerve at the last second and starts making small talk. Then again, perhaps she felt so nauseated by Dawson's toupee-esque hair that the thought of kissing him made her gorge rise. If so, I can sympathize. Joey announces that she thinks she might have made "the biggest mistake of [her] life." Dawson's eyebrows, which could really really use some tweezing, like with that Ron Popeil weed-whacker thing, indicate confusion and dismay. Then she says she told her adviser that she wasn't going to France. See, HE thought she meant the KISS, but really she meant her TRIP. Awwww, how cute! Well, not really, but it would have been cute if it hadn't been stupid. Anyway, Dawson starts laughing with relief except it sounds like the laugh of a sociopath with tuberculosis, and then he says "wee hoo" or something to that effect and they hug. Then they have some light-hearted banter about her "staying in Capeside for some guy" who, Joey says, she will introduce Dawson to sometime "if [he's] lucky" -- again, dialogue that headed towards cute but took a wrong turn at stupid. Joey asks Dawson's opinion on her decision and he says, "Well, I'm relieved, I'm ecstatic, I'm psyched, I'm...aroused," which sort of grosses Joey out (once again, I can totally sympathize) and he tries to kiss her again and she ducks it AGAIN and wonders if they're making a big mistake and he says they'll be fine and they'll "just concentrate on the simple stuff" and she says "like what" and he says "like a date," and I say, "like, shut up." So does Joey, who sort of sneers "me and you, on a date?" and jokes that she has to stay in and watch TV because she heard that Luke Perry was back on "90210," but Dawson convinces her to go to a movie with him because "the Rialto [movie theater] is closing," as IF they wouldn't have to drive like forty miles to one of the THREE movie theaters on Cape Cod, one of which is a drive-in anyway and doesn't show movies in the off-season, and could someone PLEASE do some sort of research into Cape Cod climate and culture, because in addition to her tank top Joey also has short-shorts on? Anyhow. Joey asks him if "[he'll] still be aroused on Saturday night" and he says, "I think I can guarantee it, yeah," and the thought of James van der Beek sporting wood nearly causes me to lose consciousness, and they almost kiss again, but they don't.

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Dawson's Creek

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