Dawson's Creek
The Kiss

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The Kiss

Why don't they? Funny you should ask, but they are interrupted by Miss Piggy karate-chopping her way down the hall and shouting, "Hiiiii-YA!" Well, actually, it's Jen Lindley, and she only says, "Hi," but whatever. Anyway, Jen has her hair swept up in back to make us think she didn't cut it all off already, and she holds the straps of her backpack looking all shy, and she sways back and forth on her little cloven hooves, and as usual her little piggy face has squinched itself up in pre-cry mode. Did I mention that I find Jen's face somewhat porcine? Oh, I did, yeah. Dawson and Joey say "hi" back and Dawson says "how are you" and she pre-cryingly says, "Not great -- my grandpa died last night," and Dawson says, "Omigod, Jen, I'm so sorry," while Joey stands there seeing straight through this for the attention-getting ploy that it so blatantly is, because sad to say I have used it myself to get a boy's attention, but Joey feigns concern and says "how are you doing, how's your grandmother?" and Jen says, "She's okay -- actually, she's handling it better than me," as though that would be hard to do since Jen can't handle anything without whining and snuffling, and why didn't she just stay home from school in the first place?

Joey and Dawson want to know if they can do anything for her, and Jen says no, she thinks she'll just go home because she thought she'd "stick out the whole day" but that doesn't seem like such a great idea, especially since she totally must have seen Dawson and Joey almost-kissing for the last ten minutes, and Dawson turns to watch her go and Joey grudgingly says, "You should go see if she's okay," but neglects to add the crucial "but if you DO go after her I'll sulk about it for days" clause to that sentence, and he goes, and she plays with her hair and decides if she should start sulking now or wait until after they come back from commercial.

Exterior shot of Capeside High, which looks a lot like the exterior shot of the high school in "Sixteen Candles." Cut to Blond Monkey Boy in the hallway, bragging to two random guys about hoodwinking Andie. They give each other fives. Andie comes up behind BMB, overhears the whole conversation, and says, "Officer Pacey...you little scum." She threatens to turn him in; he says, "Now that's a conversation I'd love to hear, seeing as how my father is the town sheriff." Color me unimpressed with that rank-pulling comeback. Not to be dissuaded, Andie informs him with much finger-wagging that "I have been having major anxiety attacks, to the point of medication, since you pulled me over." Everyone who thinks Andie really needs to get out more, raise their hands. Then she starts yammering on about going to jail and becoming "a sex slave to some sadist named Bomber Bertha," and everyone who thinks Andie should stop watching "Reform School Girls" on the USA Network's Late Night Movie, raise their hands. Pacey more or less tells her to shut up. Then the cheerleader from before walks up to them and it seems that she and Andie know each other and Andie says "hey Kristy" and Pacey says "hey Kristy" also, but very awkwardly, and Pacey and Andie bicker some more and we have another unfunny reference to Pacey having had his tips frosted, and Pacey wants to know how Andie knows Kristy Livingstone ("I presume") and Andie tells Pacey that Kristy is a "homo sapien" and thus Pacey has no chance with Kristy, and excuse me, but who called that one? I did. Then in some weird blocking which has them, uh, pacing up and down the hallway and back and forth about five times, Pacey turns around again and walks off and Andie offers to "set up an intro" between him and Kristy. Okay, can someone, anyone, on the show PLEASE learn at least one or two of the particulars of life on the Cape? First of all, even in early fall it gets COLD up there so enough with the short-sleeved shirts and tank tops. Second of all, once "the season" ends almost NOBODY lives up there; the towns are very very small, and all the kids go to one of two satellite high schools. Third of all, believe me, in a small town, everyone knows everyone, especially kids, and I knew every kid my age in my town even though I went to a private school, so it makes NO sense that Pacey wouldn't know this Kristy Livingstone ("I presume") practically from birth. Whatever -- anyway, Pacey takes Andie up on her offer.

Cut to Jen's grandmother as she folds clothes. Jen comes home from school and finds out that Grams has decided to give away her grandfather's old togs to the church charity drive. Jen asks, "Don't you think that it's a little early to be clearing out his closet?" and I sort of agree, because if memory serves, planning the funeral and calling the family and making arrangements for the body pretty much take up all of your time for the first few days after someone dies, but Grams points out that "he's not going to be needing these things, and those less fortunate do." I don't know if that sort of gallows humor really has a place on this show, and neither does Jen, because she promptly gets all judgmental on Grams and pre-cries, "Gramps just died yesterday. We haven't even buried him yet," and Grams wonders what Jen would have her do and Jen says, "You're not exactly the picture of the grieving widow," a snotty line which in my family would have earned its speaker a ringing backhand slap across the face at the very least, but Grams somehow bites down on it and tells Jen sternly that she loved her husband and took care of him and prepared for his death in her own way, and meanwhile Jen's lips puff out into a little snout as she starts crying in earnest, and Grams says she feels relieved that he finally died and got some peace because she had prayed "not for his recovery, but for his release" and "he's gone -- he's been gone," and Jen stares at her and she pats Jen's face, and let's hear it for Grams, who manages to take Jen so not seriously while at the same time somehow refraining from drop-kicking Jen's sorry judgmental ass into next week.

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Dawson's Creek

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