Props to Liz, for hooking us up with the first-season tapes, and to Sars, for rocking the house all night long, and to everyone on the forums for being so patient as I FINALLY get around to delivering these last three first-season recaps.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Pacey told Joey she had a crush on Dawson, and she scowled and said, "Bite me." Dawson moped over Jen's having dumped his sorry ass. Jen asked Joey if they could ever be friends, and informed her (in somewhat oblique terms) that Dawson was in love with Joey, and was only infatuated with Jen.
The camera glides over the back of the TV in the Sanctum Dawsonorum; evidently said TV is showing a horror movie, judging by the sounds (stifled shrieks, ponderous music) and by the anxious expressions on the faces of Dawson "Sam Lame-y" Leery and Joey "Help for the Lovelorn" Potter, who are watching on the bed. Oh lord, they're watching I Know What You Did Last Summer, and have come to the part where Sarah Michelle Gellar is fleeing from the fish-hook-wielding killer. Joey is gripping Dawson's hand and looking very distressed and, when Gellar turns and sees how close the killer is, Joey gasps and buries her head in what appears to be Dawson's armpit. To be frank, I can't decide which would be the less pleasant sensory experience. Dawson laughs at Joey's skittishness and calls her "such a wuss." She calls him a "rat" and pounces on the remote, announcing that "it's over." They wrestle over it for a while in a passable burlesque of sublimated sexual tension, ending with her decisively turning the TV off. Dawson protests, "That movie rules! And I'm not just saying that because the man who wrote it gave birth to me, Zeus-like, fully-formed, from his massive forehead!" Except for the Zeus/forehead part. Joey counters that she has better things to do with her time than watch "stupid horror movies that are loaded with Cheez Whiz." Dawson calls her "Roger Ebert" (whaaat?) as part of his argument that "in honour of Friday the 13th tomorrow, a little horror marathon was mandatory." Joey says that the movies are weak, and that Dawson has a "fascination with the dark side" (which does not extend to his highlights, as far as I can tell) that causes him to "enjoy scaring people -- in particular" her. Again, Dawson's hair also scares me, but that's neither here nor there. Dawson says that he loves the "adrenaline rush" horror movies cause, and that movies in the genre "provide positive examples of ordinary people overcoming their worst fears and conquering evil." Uh. They're not documentaries, Errol Snore-is. Joey tells him to "save it for Film class," concluding by saying that horror movies are unnecessarily violent and exploitative and that they provide no benefit to society. Dawson has no further pat replies and is reduced to calling Joey a "prude."
Joey turns the TV back on to a local news broadcast, and says that the world is already scary enough on its own that she doesn't need to see a guy in a mask pretending to slice up girls. They both turn their attention to the news, on which the local-news-looking anchorman is reading a report about the "Lady Killer" striking again, having killed an eighteen-year-old girl (apparently the killer's fifth victim) in Boston. Joey labours the point by drawing the parallel between the last thing she said and the news report, for those of us whose TVs aren't equipped with SurroundSkillet. Dawson tells her she's deflecting the real issue, which is that she's a scaredy-cat. Her response is to regain control of the remote and turn the channel to -- ugh -- Jerry Ma-fucking-Guire, but the weird thing is that the closed captions transcribe dialogue from what I believe is The Philadelphia Story. I guess some WB network executive nixed a pre-1987 pop-culture reference, and I can't say that executive was unwise to do so. The camera pulls back to reveal that Joey is now sitting on the bed alone. She notices Dawson's having slipped away, and instead of basking in the blissful silence and increased air space (from what was formerly taken up by his head), she starts calling out for him, asking where he went and telling him he's not scaring her. Of course, as soon as she leans over the side of the bed, he slides out from underneath wearing a Jason mask, and after gasping, she hops off the bed and starts wrestling with him some more. Joey, please get a hobby. Maybe horseback riding?