Episode Report CardAaron: D+ | Grade It Now!
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So it turns out that The Stalking of Laurie Show is not the equally eponymous spin-off from Angel (which is itself an equally eponymous spin-off) that I had thought it was when Sars first suggested I recap it. Nor is it in a similar vein to The Larry Sanders Show or even The It's Garry Shandling Show. Perhaps not surprisingly, it's actually all about a girl named Laurie Show. Who gets stalked. When I found out that it was a woman-in-distress movie of the week on the USA Network, I was a little worried, as I usually only handle the desert-based recaps here at MBTV. Plus, Sars has depressingly bad luck with movies. I mean, Final Destination? Rites of Passage? The House of Mirth? Truth be told, her streak of bad luck continues here, but only because she missed it. Believe it or not, this one actually has gay sex. We open in The House Of Laurie Show, as The Hand Of Laurie Show reaches into the frame to grab The Luggage Of Laurie Show. Downstairs, The Doorbell Of Laurie Show is ringing, and The Actual Laurie Show answers it. Before she can get the door even halfway open, two black-clad intruders rush in. They chase her upstairs to The Bedroom Of Laurie Show. She goes for the phone, but they grab her and tie her up. We see that one of the assailants is wearing blood-red lipstick under her ski-mask, and then a giant knife fills the screen. We hear The Sobbing Of Laurie Show as we fade to black. The ninety-minutes thing goes for this scene too. Fade up on an Amish guy, driving his horse-and-buggy down the highway. It's all very serene and pretty, but then the title appears written in blood-red lipstick (complete with gratuitous smearing on the "W"), which means that Serenity will clearly be taking the night off. The Amish Guy continues on down the road. I see Sally Jessy Raphael's credit, and I realize that Serenity is going to be out for a wild night on the town with Class. They'll probably get arrested and I'll have to bail them out again. A subtitle informs us that it's nine months earlier, and while that's meaningless now, it's actually pretty funny the second time you watch. I'm on my fifth viewing now, though, and it's beginning to lose its significant power to charm me. Now The Amish Guy passes a construction zone. An old brown van pulls up behind him, and then swerves into the opposite lane to get by. We follow the van for a second, and then do a weird, strobing jump cut to construction workers building a residential development. A sign helpfully informs us that we're in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which does in fact sport a sizeable Amish population. Weird, strobing jump cut back to the van, as it pulls into a mall parking lot. Michelle gets out and does a weird, strobing jump cut into a trendy clothing store. I have a weird, strobing headache. Michelle, by the way, is wearing a blue halter and a tight black miniskirt, upon which rests a large neon sign which reads (in part), "I am a trashy slut." You know, in case the outfit, the hair, the posture, and the cleavage don't make that clear. She picks out a dress, looks around, and sneakily stuffs it into her bag.