Dawson's Creek
The Unusual Suspects

Episode Report Card
Sars: C- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Keyser Snore-ze

Did anyone here ever watch Pinwheel, the super-fey Nickelodeon morning kids' show with all the annoying puppets and animated shorts and whatnot? I used to watch it when I stayed home sick from school because I couldn't find anything else to watch, and once or twice a week, Pinwheel would air an animated "story" called "Hattytown," starring all these little animated hats with wooden legs and British accents that, uh, lived in a town and had names like Cheffy and Shippy and so on, and I hated it because it creeped me out on a visceral level that I couldn't explain, but I had strep, so I'd just sit glumly through the whole thing and roll my eyes about a hundred thousand times. Well, those bizarre Office Of National Drug Control Policy ads, with the animated kid dancing around and knocking drugs out of the hands of the two thugs, remind me of "Hattytown." Yick. Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Back to Capeside High, where we get a close-up on a PA speaker and a tinny voice summoning the guys in the gang, as well as two African-American students, to the principal's office immediately. The gang smirks at one another; the African-American students join me in rolling their eyes.

In the principal's office -- lit in proto-Maltese Falcon style, complete with atmospheric ceiling fan -- Smalls paces and tells Pacey "The Once And Future Monkey Boy" Witter that he's "one of the lucky three" that Smalls still considers a suspect in Pooldoggate. Pacey looks purposefully blank. The Flash stares at Pacey and does his best impression of a post-bong-hit Jason Sehorn. Smalls says something about the easy way or the hard way. Pacey denies knowing what crime Smalls is even talking about, much less having participated in it.

Cut to Dawson snorting, "What, are you guys accusing me of something?" Well, they'd probably start with aiding and abetting the corruption of an already-hideous hairstyle, Exxon Valdweeb, so why don't you button it? The Flash tells Dawson that he's the last person he'd suspect of pulling "a stunt" like Pooldoggate, but he knows Dawson can understand how they would have "no choice" but to bring him in.

Cut to Jack chuckling incredulously, "Yeah, the dog fingered me." Okay, what in the Sam Hill do I do with that? First the dog stares pointedly at Jack's business, and then…the word "fingering"? Do I make the "on the first date, no less" joke? Oh, look at that. I just did.

Cut back to Pacey as The Flash tears into his role of good cop with relish: "We're on your side, Pacey." But they have to get to the bottom of the mystery. The Whodunnit Saxophone tootles. The Flash says that "circumstances require" that they consider Pacey as a possible suspect.

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Dawson's Creek

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