Dawson's Creek
The Unusual Suspects

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Keyser Snore-ze

Cut back to Dawson, asking what circumstances The Flash is referring to. The Flash reminds him that, as The Flash's son, Dawson would have access to the school's master keys.

Cut back to Pacey again, looking like he just ate a bug while Principal Smalls blathers on about the recent demise of the "True Love" and the fact that Pacey had access to the keys to the boat storage facility where Smalls's boat resided at the time of the "boatnapping." Mmmmm. Napping. Excellent plan.

Cut back to Jack, wearing a downright hilarious look of asperity while Smalls expositions that the dog disappeared between ten o'clock and noon. So, Smalls adds, Jack just has to provide an alibi for the morning of the previous day. Artsy zoom into Jack's eyeball.

Artsy zoom back out to Jack standing on the stoop of the Ryan Home For Wayward Girls with a bouquet of yellow roses, smooshing his face on the screen and groaning at Jen to "come on!" Tee hee! Jack = cute. Jen "The Accused" Lindley toddles drowsily out the front door, murmuring that she's still asleep and "this is a dream in which you're heterosexual." Oh, ha ha. Oh, not. Jack smirks, "Yeah -- these are for Grams. Can you open the door, please? I've got something way better for you." I have no comment. Jen wonders, "What could possibly be better than a dapper young lad bearing a floral arrangement?" Jack tells her that he asked if she could fulfill her community-service requirement by helping him out with pee-wee soccer, and they -- whether he means "they" the pee-wee soccer people or "they" the local youth-offenders' program, I don't know -- said yes. Jen says she's better qualified to pick up trash on the highway than to work with kids. Jack pleads that he needs her -- since Andie left, he's swamped, he can't get the soccer parents to help, and his "star goalie" broke his leg. Jen submits to the guilt trip and agrees to pitch in. Jack hands her the flowers and makes a point of saying for the benefit of the radio listeners, the Amish, and people who have never read a mystery novel before that he'll come back at "12:45 sharp" to pick her up. She asks where he's going, he should stay, she'll make eggs, but he has to go meet Drue at the hardware store, and when Jen asks why, he says that "it's a karma thing" and he's "gotta run." I head up to the roof and peer through my binoculars to see the so-called plot so-called twist crossing the Snake River.

Back at the principal's office, Smalls peers out through the blinds at the glaring sunlight outside and nibbles a piece of scenery. Wiping his lips, he tells Pacey to convince him that he didn't commit the crime: "Tell me everything. Every…single…thing…you did…[dramatic pause]…yesterday." "Yesterday," Pacey muses all Sam Spade. Blah blah blah "where was I?"

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Dawson's Creek

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