Dawson's Creek
The Valentine's Day Massacre

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The Valentine's Day Massacre

Previously on DC: Jen and Henry kiss, FINALLY; Dawson feels "very lost," and if I had a hairdon’t like his, I’d feel lost too; Pacey waxes philosophical on falling in love again as we see scenes of tenderness between him and Joey.

Fade up on the Pottermobile. In a flagrant lift from the Jordan-teaches-Angela-to-drive scenes in My So-Called Life, Dawson "All’s Forehead In Love And War" Leery gives condescending driving tips to Joey "’Tude Indigo" Potter. Despite the fact that the truck can’t be going more than five miles an hour, Joey manages to grind the gears and bring it to a screeching halt, and when Dawson gently tries to review correct use of the clutch, Joey glares at him and balks at doing any more learning to drive, calling it "too hard." Whatever, Stick-Shift Barbie. From the bed of the truck, a voice trots out the oh-so-non-fresh car-trip line, "Are we there yet?" Pacey "My Bloody Valentine" Witter sits up and observes that they’ve barely gone halfway down the driveway. Dawson mutters something about how friends shouldn’t teach friends to drive stick, and Joey sneers that Dawson is "not exactly Lloyd Dobler," and when Dawson wants to know what that means, Joey reminds him of the part in Say Anything where Lloyd teaches Diane how to drive and says that, in contrast to Dawson, Lloyd was "quite the patient tutor," and Dawson points out that Diane "listened to [Lloyd’s] tutorials." Joey gets all pissed off, but before she can think up a withering comeback, Pacey breaks it up by suggesting that they "try and [sic] find the love up there, shall we?" He jumps down from the back and suggests that he and Dawson take Joey out on the town that night -- unless, he adds, Joey has plans with AJ. Joey says no and refers to a "massive mid-term crisis." Oh, please. Leave it to AJ to take mid-terms in February, when the semester has scarcely begun. Pacey wants to know "what kind of moron would rather shove his nose in a book than take his girl out for Valentine’s Day?" Good question. Answer: the last guy I went out with. Which is why I don’t go out with that guy anymore. Anyhow. Joey says that it might come as a surprise to Pacey, but "some people are actually dedicated to the pursuit of academic excellence." Dawson ignores this jibe and urges her to come, "it’ll be fun." Joey turns up her nose and says, "Depends on what Goofus and Gallant are up to this evening." Okay, that made me laugh. Pacey mentions that a guy named Matt Caufield is throwing an anti-Valentine’s bash. "Caufield"? I mean, the captioning says "Caufield," but I sense a mangled reference to Catcher In The Rye here. Ugh. Joey rains on Pacey’s parade by asking disdainfully why he’d want to go to a Matt Caufield party; Dawson asks, "After everything we’ve heard about him, why wouldn’t we?" Joey expresses surprise at Dawson’s response, describes Caufield as "not exactly of [Dawson’s] tribe" and "a creep," and says the guy’s parties "are infamous for complete and utter debauchery." Pacey interrupts to ask why Joey wants to stop Dawson from having fun for a change; Joey throws around words like "depraved" and "bottom-feeders" and asks why Pacey wants to drag Dawson down to his level. Dawson tries to observe that they have to get to school, but Joey finishes by saying loftily that she’d love to watch them make fools of themselves, but she’ll have to pass "on the whole party thing, and make it a Blockbuster night." As the sound of a cat receiving an unwanted flea dip cues up on the soundtrack, Pacey says very condescendingly that that sounds like a great idea, but "who are you gonna get to drive ya?" Joey glares at him.

Just a quick note: I had to recap this episode standing up, because every time I tried to sit down, a trailer for The Beach kept sucking my ass.

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