Dawson's Creek
The Valentine's Day Massacre

Episode Report Card
The Valentine's Day Massacre

At the Bachelor Bungalow, formerly Estrangement Estates, The Flash gets stuff out of the fridge. Dawson just stands there before commenting rather rudely on the silent treatment the Flash is giving him. The Flash hops up on the counter with the product-placed Breyer’s and says he "was thinking." Yeah, right. The Flash remarks that Dawson’s had quite a year, which started with "a wrecked boat and a wild party," and that he was angry about that. Dawson interrupts to tell him all portentously that he’s "trying to get back to the basics of being a kid." Excuse me while I light a black cat firecracker and aim it into my left eye. KABLAM! Ah, much better. Dawson yammers some more about the inextricable linkage between kids his age and parties, and The Flash says he doesn’t have a problem with Dawson going to parties; he does, however, have a problem with crashed boats, strippers on the kitchen table, and getting Dawson out of "the drunk tank" in the middle of the night. Dawson asks The Flash all patronizingly if he could just "chalk it up to youthful exuberance." "Yes, I can," The Flash says, eating a bite of ice cream. Dawson begins to thank his father but The Flash interrupts him with "I’m not finished." He says that since Dawson has decided to act like a kid, he’s left The Flash with no choice but to act like a parent. About freakin’ time, Daddy-o. The Flash continues that, until Dawson chooses a path for himself, "I’ve chosen one for ya." The ugly truth begins to dawn on Dawson, and he asks what that means, and The Flash informs him that his mother has bought a restaurant. Dawson starts to pout that he didn’t know that, but The Flash ignores him and says that Dawson will work for his mother at the restaurant, doing whatever chores she needs done, "after school, evenings, weekends, whatever," and Dawson will do this, The Flash says, "until you begin to understand that suddenly deciding to be a kid doesn’t give you license to be reckless and irresponsible. Good night, son." Dawson’s nostrils flare out as he realizes that The Flash has finally, finally stepped up to the plate and grounded his XXXL ass. Oh, BURN!

The jail. Doug comes into the cell with two mugs of coffee, proffers one to Pacey, and comments, "You were in rare form tonight." Pacey takes a mug and mutters, "How bad do I suck, huh?" Doug asks what’s up. Pacey tries to blow the question off, but Doug reminds him that he found Pacey "hanging from a tree getting completely wasted." Doug presses, "So what is it, a girl or something?" Pacey snorts unconvincingly and says no. "Okay, so it’s a girl. Who is she?" Doug asks. Heh. Pacey doesn’t want to talk about it. Doug says okay and starts to leave, but Pacey begins ranting about Joey -- she’s opinionated and annoying, she’s really smart and knows how to argue, she’s pretty, "the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies." Doug inserts little understanding comments, and then says sagely, "Never lose the butterflies." Pacey turns to look at Doug all "huh?" and Doug says that getting older sucks, because at some point you just lose the butterflies. Then Doug asks what Pacey is going to do about "it." Pacey says he can’t, that if he actually did something, the sun wouldn’t shine, the tides would cease, blah blah blah soulmate-cakes, and he gives a shout-out to Buffy by using the word "hellmouth." Doug tells him that, in his experience, you don’t find many people who give you butterflies, and if Pacey doesn’t tell the girl in question how he feels, "it’ll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison." Pacey thanks Doug. Doug smiles. Wow, they actually behaved like brothers there. How novel.

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Dawson's Creek




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