Dawson's Creek
The Valentine's Day Massacre

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The Valentine's Day Massacre

At McPhee Manor, Jack wanders down a hall and hears Andie "Perk Diggler" McPhee on the phone to a friend named Kate, insisting that she come to "take her mind off things." He stops at the doorway of Andie’s room as she hangs up and wants to know Kate who, and Andie chirps, "Kate Douglas!" and adds that Kate is coming up from Rhode Island for the weekend. Jack says incredulously, "Kate Douglas, as in my ex-girlfriend?" "And a very good friend of mine," Andie says, and Jack takes Andie’s head off for inviting Kate up without asking him first. Andie explains that it’s Valentine’s Day and Kate just broke up with her boyfriend and "needs a change of scenery"; Jack sighs gustily and asks if Kate mentioned him. Andie basically says "uh duh," and Jack wants to know what Andie told her. Andie: "That you’re great!" Jack: "And?" Andie: "And?" They "and" at each other a few more times before Andie finally says no, she didn’t tell Kate that Jack switched teams. Jack can’t believe Andie. Dude, neither can anyone else. Andie suggests that, when Kate arrives, Jack "ask her if she wants a glass of water, and then you, you know, kind of mention that you like boys." Ha! I have to say, this new Phoebe-from-Friends incarnation of Andie sort of cracks me up. Jack gives Andie a wah-wah-wah look.

Jen "No Scrubs -- Oh, Wait, Scratch That" Lindley asks Grams "Je Suis Le Boot, Le Boot C’est Moi" Ryan if she should wear red or black. Grams snorts that it’s Valentine’s Day: "Red, of course." Grams reassures Jen that it’s okay if Jen’s nervous, because "Valentine’s is a very exciting day." Yeah, if "exciting" means "loathsome and icky." Fortunately, I’m not bitter this year. Moving right along -- Jen says she isn’t nervous, it’s just another date, just another day. Grams corrects her that it’s not just another day, but the day St. Valentine gave his life rather than "stop marrying young Christian lovers." Sars corrects Grams that St. Valentine a) got booted from the hagiographic register in the sixties, because b) the cardinal college found evidence that his taste in Christian lovers ran more in the little-boy line, so you can address that mail to MISTER Valentine, Ossining State Prison. Jen busts on Grams a bit, and Grams tells Jen she’s "far too young to be this jaded." Word to that.

Jen wriggles into the black dress and makes another comment about commercialization, to which Grams responds that "not even the harsh jangle of the cash register can keep love at bay." Then she tells Jen how beautiful she looks, talks her out of wearing a necklace, and advises her to breathe deeply to calm her nerves, saying "in -- out -- in -- out" a bunch of times. Um. Okay. Jen babbles again that she isn’t nervous and could Grams please not make such a big deal out of it. Grams tells her to have fun. Jen gulps. Then she sighs. She looks terrified, but she’s having a good hair day so far this episode.

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Dawson's Creek

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