Dawson's Creek
The Valentine's Day Massacre

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1 USERS: C+
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The Valentine's Day Massacre

Andie’s car. Andie, driving, tells Kate "the plan" -- meet their friend at the club, then try to find "this senior party." A brief silence, during which Jack glowers in the back seat. Kate turns half around and says, "Jackers? You’re pretty darn quiet for someone I haven’t seen in a year." I wouldn’t respond to such an infantile nickname either, myself, but Jack mutters that "it’s just weird seeing" her. Kate asks if Jack missed her. Jack says of course he did, and Kate goes on to call herself "a pretty missable kinda gal." "Darn"? "Gal"? "Jackers"? Did the Oklahoma road troupe leave Kate behind or something? Jack uncomfortably agrees with "missable," and Kate asks about any special someone in Jack’s life these days. Jack stammers, while Andie looks by turns scared and gleeful, "It’s -- funny you should ask that, uh -- because I think there’s something that you should know," but before he can tell her he’s gay, Kate starts crying. Andie asks her what’s wrong, and Kate says that when her boyfriend broke up with her, "it started just like that" -- the guy said "funny you should ask," and then he told Kate that he was gay. Ouch. Jack looks up sharply at Kate, then at Andie in the rearview. Damn, Kerr Smith has some blue eyes. Right, sorry, so Jack and Andie look at each other in the rearview. Andie makes gaspy-fish motions with her mouth. Jack leans his head back on the headrest and closes his eyes.

After the commercial, we cut to the golf course, where Pacey lines up a putt and narrates his own shot in a golf-commentator whisper. Dawson looks on. A squawk of "hi, guys!" causes him to flub the shot as Andie arrives on the green with Jack and Kate. Pacey sputters at Andie for making him drop his putter, and Andie mocks him, "Ooh, tragic!" She introduces Kate to Pacey and Dawson. Kate says that "any friends of Jackers’s" are friends of hers; Pacey is just as flabbergasted at her use of "Jackers" as I. Jack cuts Pacey off by telling him that he and Kate "go way back." "Jack was my first boyfriend," Kate confides. "Oh, way back," Pacey chuckles. Kate charges ahead by announcing that she’s just broken up with her gay boyfriend, which has put her "in a highly charged emotional state -- ’kay? Thanks for your time." Welcome to Failed Humor, population: Kate. Oh, and Kate? Shut up -- ’kay? Thanks for your time.

Pacey asks Dawson for "a moment," draws him aside, and asks if he heard what Kate just said. Dawson says he feels sorry for Kate -- "not one but two gay boyfriends" -- but Pacey points out that Kate "needs to overcome the memory of her lost love." Dawson doesn’t catch his snap, so Pacey spells it out: "She’s lookin’ to hook up, man!" She should really look a little farther along, in my opinion, but in any case, after a bit more dorky banter, Dawson and Pacey rejoin the group just as Joey turns up, wearing another one of her tomboy toques. Pacey expresses sarcastic disbelief that "Miss Josephine Buzzkill" has graced them with her presence (heh), and Joey says primly that she came to make sure she didn’t "lose Dawson to the dark side." Okay, stop it with the Star Wars references! Stop it, stop it, stop! It! God! Dawson informs her dryly that he appreciates her concern, but he can take care of himself; Joey says he’ll thank her someday for playing the angel on his shoulder to Pacey’s devil. While this dialogue unfolds, Kate seconds my emotion by shooting a "whaaaatever" look at Andie, who shrugs in response. Pacey tells Joey that she is not going to ruin the night for them. Well, she’s already ruined my night, so don’t dawdle finding the keg, buddy.

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Dawson's Creek

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