Dawson's Creek
The Valentine's Day Massacre

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The Valentine's Day Massacre

Back in a golf cart, Joey fumes, "How does he do it?" "Who, Dawson?" Andie asks, but Joey meant Pacey, and how he always gets them "into these situations." Andie refers to Pacey’s "cocky charm" with a benevolent smile. Joey grouses some more about the "village idiot routine," and Andie says patiently that Pacey means well. The girls laughingly compare him to a dog that knocks over everything in the house; then Andie says, "You know who you sound like?" "Who?" "Me, right before I started dating him." Then Deputy Doug pulls them over. Yes, in the golf cart. Yes, Deputy Doug needs to get a life. He greets them with, "Evening, ladies," accompanied by a bunch of eyebrow-wiggling and jaw-setting, and shines his flashlight in their eyes.

Amazing, don’t you find, how fun commercials seem during a Dawson’s Creek episode? Case in point: how excited I got saying "arrrrrrrrrroz FIESTA!" during a Goya ad. Pass the Jell-O shots.

The party rages on. Kids carry each other around and scream a lot. Dawson walks up to a table to find Kate pouring Jack Daniel’s into a cup (hey, maybe there’s hope for her after all), and they share a moment of non-flirtatious non-banter before Dawson invites her to take a walk. Ew, gross. Kate makes a big show of thinking it over before saying that "a walk sounds neat, let’s go." "Neat"?

A paramedic straps Henry to a gurney and tells Jen Henry will be at St. Matthew’s later. Jen can’t believe Henry sold his blood. "Twice in a forty-eight hour period," a delirious Henry raves. "What were you thinking?" demands Jen. Henry wanted to make the night unforgettable, and Jen tells him he did. He digs the gift out of one of his pockets and gives it to her: it’s a ring, which Jen notes with some consternation. It’s also "orange," Jen says, and Henry says it’s Hungarian red and asks her to try it on. Then he starts ranting that he ruined everything, and Jen tells him not to worry, and as Henry gets loaded into the ambulance, she calls after him that "it’s perfect" about a dozen times. I’ve tried to care about this plot, but I just don’t. Jen goes back into the restaurant.

The walk. Kate, going for "sly" but taking a sharp left at "tipsy": "I know what you’re doing." Dawson: "Really. And, uh, and what’s that?" Kate: "You’re the resident caretaker." Dawson doesn’t get it. Kate says that he’s the nice guy of the gang, the "Freddie Friendly" (yes, she really said that) who deals with the high-strung, wasted girl so that "the other boys can go and have fun." Bitter much? She tells him not to worry, she won’t burden him, and as his face falls and he tells her to wait a minute, she burbles, "This place is hilly!" Snerk. Dawson asks why she assumes that he’s nice, and goes into leering mode while saying that maybe he’s trying to take advantage of the situation. Kate laughs in his face. Dawson says with a wry smile, "And you find that humorous." Kate says that she barely knows him, but she knows that isn’t him. She continues to give him guff, which prompts him to walk off and address the heavens (no, really) as to why he can’t just once have a good time. "Quit whining," Kate tells him -- woo hoo! -- before adding that "there are people dying in the Balkans." Word, sister. Dawson tells her to shut up. Kate points out, as someone apparently must in each episode, that if Dawson actually acted instead of talking, then he might "see some results." Dawson rolls his eyes and asks what that means, and Kate says that he shouldn’t take a girl into the woods and talk to her about kissing her -- he should just kiss her. Dawson doesn’t believe it’s that simple. Kate says it is. Dawson advances on her, but just as he moves in for the kiss, she cringes. He stops just short of her face, and she tells him, "Hold that impulse." Then she turns away from him and hurls, quite noisily, as Dawson mutters to himself, "Perfect." HA HA HAAA! Again, word. Enter Deputy Doug to shine his flashlight in Dawson’s face.

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Dawson's Creek

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