Dawson's Creek
Varsity Blues

Episode Report Card
2 USERS: C+
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We could be heroes
Night falls, and Drawslon goes to one of those walk-up-window fast-food places where Jules works. Jules busts him for the kiss and dismisses him, saying, "I don't date football players." Drawlson says he's always been a football player. Jules responds, "No. You were something different. At least I thought you were." Yeah, he was a self-absorbed, pseudo-intellectual coward who didn't have the balls to quit a game he had no interest in participating in. And now he's the star quarterback. It's, like, irony, but only if you're Alanis Morissette. She tells him to leave, but he won't. So she gets on the speaker and tells everybody the Coyote star quarterback is at her window. He gets mobbed and has to leave. Hee -- you're not getting Jules's spine, Drawlson. Oh, here's the big secret meeting. Drawlson gets them all into a strip club and set up with booze. Bleah. Breasts as far as the eye can see. Billy Bo Budd jumps up on the stage, strips off his shirt (AIEEEEEEEE!), and starts dancing. The bouncer drags him off. Meanwhile, Lance thanks Drawlson for visiting him in the hospital and tells him he's a good friend. Drawlson asks, "You're not going to hug me now, are you?" I'm telling you, Lance is a stoner. Oh look, it's Hot For Teacher. She's a stripper. She's, ummm…actually stripping to the song "Hot For Teacher." And, no, I didn't know that when I gave her that nickname. She is of course mortified to see the boys, but she keeps on stripping and has a drink with them afterwards. Tweeder flirts with her. Morning comes, and the guys are still at the bar. They've sown a few too many wild oats, and stupidly as well, because they have a game tonight. Way to go, Drawlson. You're definitely living up to your reputation as the smart one. Not. Anyway, they play a crappy game, underscored by AC/DC's "Thunderstruck." They lose, 20 to 3. I'm just waiting to see how they're going to make Killjoy the bad guy here, considering it was the boys who are entirely responsible for this. Back in the locker room, Killjoy rips on Drawlson and the other guys for their stupid escapade. He punches over a small ice cooler, which is played like it's some intense, terrifying moment. These people must lead sheltered lives. My fights with my dad are scarier to witness than this. Oh, here we go, here's how we make Killjoy the villain. He calls Drawlson's dad "a no-talent pussy." He mocks Sugar Bob, who has started crying. He blames him for Lance's injury again, and then tosses him out of the locker room. And that's it. Okay, I was in marching band, and some of our dressing-down sessions were nastier than this. I am not at all sympathetic to these guys. At all. If they don't want to be on the football team, then quit! If they don't want to take painkillers to stay in the game, then don't! How mature was it to ruin the game for the other guys? Are we expected to assume they all hate Killjoy?

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Dawson's Creek

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