Episode Report Card1 USERS: A+
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Drawlson tells Billy Bob that he should just forget about Killjoy, and that he doesn't care about his 23rd district championship. Billy Bob responds, "I do! I do! That coach loved me like a son. Treated me like a son, too. He told me to protect Lance and I didn't." Drawlson responds, "Kilmer fucked up and everybody on that team knows it." Billy Bob: "That's where you're wrong, Mox. That's where you're wrong." How much better would this movie had been if it were told from the perspective of somebody who worshipped Kilmer before finding out how horrible he is? I would say a zillion times better than this movie, told from the perspective of somebody who never liked him, or football, or pretty much anything, and who snots his way through the whole flick. Anyway, Drawlson tells Billy Bob that he needs him on the team. "Who the hell is gonna protect my ass?" he asks. Because, you know, being there for Drawlson is as good a reason as any to not kill one's self, and also to put up with a verbally abusive coach. Excuse me while I go collect my eyeballs, which have rolled behind the refrigerator. Anyway, there's some more dialogue, which I'm going to skip because it involves both Drawlson and Billy Bob complimenting Drawlson's ass. You're welcome. Billy hands over the rifle. Drawlson takes the rifle and shoots the face off a poster of Killjoy, hanging under the scoreboard. Okay, that's disturbing behavior, not heroic. Dude. Seek. Professional. Help. Both of you. The next day, a couple of men are confronting Drawlson's dad to make sure that the boy's gonna be up for the next game. Oh good god -- the younger boy is wearing white robes with weird symbols and has some other boys in tow. Mom asks if he's started a cult. Koresh Jr. says yes. Planet Funny has launched warp-speed missiles to destroy the world that these jokes are originating from, to prevent them from ever landing on its surface. Drawlson wanders in. His dad hands him a letter from Brown University. He's been accepted. His father rains on his parade by saying he's happy Drawlson got in, but he wants to talk to him about this week's football game. Okay, I will allow Drawlson this one pissy moment, because Dad very much deserves it. Drawlson tells him, "Tell me who wins," and stalks off. School. Billy Bob runs up to tell Drawlson that he got a head scan and that he's okay to play again. That's good, because The Big Book Of Sports Movie Clichés tells me that all the wronged players will have to work together to (spoiler!) pull off the big victory at the end of the film. They head to class, where Hot For Teacher asks them not to say anything about her being a stripper. Billy Bubba Bo Bobby asks her to go to the prom with him. Dude, get another head scan.