Episode Report Card1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
More narration: "As a boy growing up in West Canaan, Texas, you never question the sanctity of football. You just did what the coaches said and tried your best to win. At all costs." Yeah, Drawlson's utterly emotionless narration here totally sells me on the idea that football and coaches are bad influences on little boys. I lie, actually. It doesn't. Fortunately, they include clips of parents and coaches yelling at these little boys to make up for Smug Flutie's crappy delivery. Four young boys in football uniforms slouch off the field to the sad strains of The Symphony Of Chafing Under Adult Expectations. We cut to a photograph of said image, held in Drawlson's hand while he lies in bed with a Kurt Vonnegut novel. I got to interview Vonnegut for my newspaper when I was in college. Shout-out? Incidentally, Vonnegut told me to go fuck myself, which I dutifully reported. I thought it was a joke at the time, but I was a pretty crappy interviewer back then, so he might have meant it. Anyway, Drawlson stares at the picture for a bit, then uses it for a bookmark. An announcer on a radio playing in the background reports the specifics of an upcoming football game, just in case we had fallen asleep during Drawlson's opening monologue (a definite possibility) and forgotten that this is a football movie. We pan across the room, where a young, shirtless boy is standing with a man-sized cross tied to his back. Ahhh, religion, another wacky Southern quirk. The boy asks Drawlson if he's going to play tonight, to which he sneeringly expositions, "Do I ever play? Lance is the best quarterback in the state, why would we want anyone to play but him, hmmm?" Jesus Jr. suggests a couple of possibilities that could put Drawlson on the field, including Lance getting hurt, but Drawlson will hear none of it. He makes an unfunny joke about Jesus Jr. being religious and tells him to pray for the health of Lance Harbor. Then he pushes Jesus Jr. backwards onto the bed, rendering the boy helpless because his hands are tied to the cross and he can't get up. I hate Drawlson already. A moment for Beek's hair, the focus of much derision in the Creek recaps and on the forums. It's brown here instead of blond. I'm not quite convinced it's his natural color, but it's close. The style is sort of rebel fifties, a little slicked up and teased in the front, but still within regulation shortness for boys who aren't "sissies" -- essentially a sorry attempt to mimic James Dean. But honestly, it's still better than the rotating display of dead sea anemones liberated from jars in Capeside High's biology lab that they stick on his head for Dawson's Creek. His forehead even nearly looks normal-sized. He still has a face like a camel, but I guess there's nothing we can do about that. Except make fun of it.