Episode Report Card2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Drawlson calls some sort of play that Killjoy doesn't approve of. Killjoy gives Drawlson a profanity-laden rant as Drawlson attempts to explain this as some move that won some game somewhere a long time ago, and I have no intention of rewinding this part over and over again for details. Besides, something tells me this play is going to come up again. That something is my Big Book Of Sports Movie Clichés, which is sitting here on my desk. The point of this whole conflict is that Drawlson is a creative leader who wants to do things his way, and Coach Killjoy is a stuck-in-the-past leader who wants to do things his way. Coach Killjoy grabs Drawlson by the helmet, yanking him around and shrieking, "We do things around here my way, you understand that! You think you're in some fancy school? Bullshit. You show me the kind of smarts -- makes me wonder if you know the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!" That rant made almost no sense at all, but simply serves to amplify Killjoy's evil because he doesn't think Drawlson's smart. But we all know he's smart, because he reads Vonnegut, right? Right. The 'rents make fun of Drawlson. Drawlson's dad says, "I stood up to it. So will he." Oh god, Dad's just testing Drawlson's manhood. Guh. So everybody knows that Drawlson doesn't want to play football and they're just letting this go on and on because they think it'll make a man out of him. Well it obviously didn't work for any of them. Jesus. Doesn't anybody in this movie have any balls? Anyway, we cut to some barbecue where Lance's and Drawlson's dads talk about putting their next group of kids into football and continuing their trend of living vicariously through the lives of their boys. Why anybody would want to live vicariously through Drawlson is beyond me. I'm still wondering why Kevin Williamson wanted to live vicariously through Van Der Beek. Jesus Jr. is in monk's robes, praying over the meat on the barbecue. Football horseplay ensues as the dads force the sons to throw footballs to them. Lance is perfect. Drawlson overshoots and causes his dad to run into the fence. The dad looks sheepish, as well he should. Put the testosterone away, Baldy, and flip the burgers. But no, the dads get all alpha male about which son should be quarterback. Lance's dad suggests a William Tell type competition, with the boys knocking beer cans off the dads' heads with thrown footballs. And then the dads will have a contest to see who can piss the fire out on the barbecue. The boys look sheepish, just in case we don't get the fact that they're just trying to please the men. Okay, we get it! I call the Coyote Marching Band's director to ask him to have them spell out "We Get It!" during the next halftime show.