MONDO EXTRAS

In the master bedroom, Douglas enters a code into a safe, and opens it to reveal a rather plain looking brown jacket. Then we pull back to a black-and-white photo of the jacket, except it's being worn by Marilyn Monroe on her wedding day to Joe DiMaggio. When Tobey realizes what he's looking at, he flips out. He's petting the jacket and cooing about how happy she must have been. Given the level of creepiness he's exuded so far, I'm surprised he doesn't put it on and start singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." Instead, he starts crying, talking about how lonely the jacket looks in the closet. Douglas hears a noise outside and suggests that they get moving.

He heads out into the hallway, only to be accosted by Poe. Douglas tries to sneak by, but Poe hasn't lost his sense of smell, and much like my own dog, he knows pot when he smells it. Poe runs up and sinks his teeth into Douglas's ankle. There's some struggling and grunting, and then Tobey suddenly appears, pistol in hand. He caps Poe with two in the chest. Bark the doggie, nevermore. There's a moment of shock, and then Douglas drags himself to his feet. His ankle is bleeding. They argue about whether or not it was necessary to kill the dog. Tobey freaks out and wants to get a mirror to see if Poe is still breathing. Douglas takes the gun away from him.

Cut to the car. Poe is lying in the backseat. Michael "A Perfect Murder" Douglas tells Tobey that he'll take the blame, because he's got tenure. Cut to the WordFest parking lot. Douglas and Maguire load Poe into the trunk. Tobey remarks that it's a pretty big trunk: "It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag." "That's what they used to say in the ads," replies Douglas. Tobey then asks if RDJ is gay, which Douglas does in fact confirm. He's searching Robert Downey Jr.'s suitcase for drugs. I'd imagine that sentence gets written quite a bit. Certainly more often than "Blind dog close-up." He finally finds a bottle of codeine and some airline bottles of scotch. He downs a couple of pills, and offers them to Tobey. "No thanks, I'm fine." "Oh yeah, you're fit as a fucking fiddle," replies Douglas. Maguire consents and tries to swallow a pill, but ends up hacking it out onto Douglas's jacket. Mmm, phlegmilicious. He tries again and finally gets it down.