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First off, Mighty Big thanks to Sars, for letting me play in her own personal wonderland twice in one month. Also thanks to the Screener Fairy, who's provided me with promotional tapes of this and many other fine feature films over the years. If you haven't seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon yet, you have no idea how cool it really is. Also, this recap is MBTV-MA and is intended for our adult and teen viewers only. It contains sex, violence, strong language, and more drug references than you can shake a Thai Stick at. Consider yourself warned. We open in the classroom of an unnamed Pittsburgh university (if by "unnamed" you mean "Carnegie-Mellon"). Michael Douglas's voice-over tells us it's a Friday in February while his voice-actual reads a story to his students. He identifies Tobey Maguire as the author, and then asks the class for their opinions. The students, one of whom is played by a good friend of mine, all hate it. They're ripping into the story mercilessly when Katie Holmes raises her hand and saves the day. She likes the story, and while Michael Douglas's voice-actual thanks her, his voice-over explains that she rents a room from him off-campus, and that she always wears red cowboy boots. I suppose they're more appropriate to the winter weather than a strappy dress, but they're still pretty ugly. The students argue about the story some more. Tobey Maguire keeps leaning forward and blocking my friend's shot. Finally, Professor Tripp (Douglas) dismisses the students, and reminds them to attend something called "WordFest" that evening. Another voice-over tells us that Douglas's wife has left him, and then Katie comes over and asks how he's doing. Her expression makes it clear she'd like to be the one taking over for The Departed Wife. She and Douglas leave, and Tobey Maguire, who hasn't moved once since leaning forward, asks him to turn out the classroom lights as he goes. In his car, Douglas voices-over that he needs to clear his head. Then he lights a big joint. There's been a lot of awards hype surrounding this film, and apparently Michael "Ganja Is Good" Douglas feels he deserves an Oscar nod for this role because he smokes pot and puts on a few pounds. I guess that makes me Tom Hanks. Or James Van Der Beek. Anyway, he then proceeds to exposit what "WordFest" is (a weekend seminar/party for authors and publishers), provide backstory on his editor (Robert Downey Jr., who published his first novel seven years ago and is still waiting for the follow-up), and foreshadow the rest of the movie (the follow-up isn't done yet). This movie throws out enough exposition to choke a horse in the first fifteen minutes, and then spends the next ninety minutes or so cruising to a nice leisurely finish. It's well-done, but I get the feeling I'm going to be on page six of the recap before the end of act one.