Episode Report CardGrade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Now we're at the Pittsburgh airport, which is without a doubt the best airport at which to get stuck in a snowstorm, as it has a mall right in the middle. Douglas is there meeting Robert Downey Jr., as well as Robert Downey Jr.'s new friend Antonia Sloviak, a strikingly tall woman with a strikingly large Adam's apple. They walk through the airport, and we get a shot that's supposed to make us think Antonia is about two feet taller than Douglas. Since I fly out of this airport about a dozen times a year, I know that she's on the people-mover thingy, but if you don't, it's a pretty funny shot. Baggage claim. Oh, the joyous hours I've spent there. Not. Douglas tells Downey that Antonia is a transvestite. Downey tells Douglas that he's stoned. Douglas, not Downey. You know, in case you were confused. RDJ asks about the follow-up novel, because he's under pressure at work. Douglas tries to stall, and then for the first (and what I can only hope will be the last) time ever in a movie, the line "What in the hell and a hootenanny is that?" is uttered. Turns out, it's a tuba in a spotted cowhide case, riding along the baggage carousel. Of course, it belongs to Antonia. Cut to the car, headed through the Ft. Pitt tunnels. Props to the director, since you really do pass through here on the way from the airport to town. As opposed to Bruce Willis's Striking Distance, in which a two-minute car chase manages to visit every neighborhood in a three-county radius. Douglas explains the origins of his car, and it's long and complicated and boring and all you really need to know is that he got it from someone who owed him money. He also notices that Antonia wears Cristal perfume. WordFest. A voice-over explains that Sara Gaskell (Frances McDormand) is the University chancellor, and that her husband is the dean of the English Department, and Michael Douglas's boss. There's a pre-Fest party at their house. As they approach the house, Antonia comments on the greenhouse, and we learn that gardening is the Chancellor's hobby. "I thought you were the Chancellor's hobby," snarks RDJ, and we begin to realize why Douglas's wife has left him. Inside, Frances McDormand comes running up to greet them. They exchange some small talk, and then McDormand stumbles. "High heels," she says. "I don't know how anyone can walk in [them]." "Practice," replies Antonia, and McDormand executes a picture-perfect double-take upon noticing the Adam's apple. Heh. I love me some Frances McDormand. At this point, the family dog Poe makes an appearance, and starts barking angrily at Michael Douglas. Well, actually, he's barking at a spot a few feet to the left of Douglas, because he's blind. Douglas and McDormand take the coats upstairs while RDJ and Antonia head into the party.