Dead Last
The Problem With Corruption

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Alex Richmond: A | Grade It Now!
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Scotty is a bad mother -- shut your mouth!

Opera plays in a red-tableclothed dining room. Fat wiseguys sit at the table, playfully questioning Yawn. Lawyer Guy supplies all the answers, and they all work, keeping him alive for a few more moments. Steaks are summoned. One wiseguy looks at the other warningly. What? Pause. You remember what your doctor said. No animal fat? They change their order to grilled eggplant with bok choy. Yawn smiles weakly.

Drain knocks on a door. It opens, and it's the guy that played the hobo in Pee Wee's Big Adventure -- you know, the guy that sang "Jimmy Crack Corn" so horribly that it made Pee Wee jump off the train? I love that guy. He's Pops McNitty, and he "knew this day would come."

The Justice Dudes clamber into their oh-so-inconspicuous van and pop in the tape Yawn surrendered. It's a flute. One dude says, "That's Solti, Sultan of the Moroccan pan flute." Um, everyone knows that ZANFIR is the master of the pan flute. Who the hell is Solti, giving himself a title? What? He's made up? Fake, you say? Well, then I'll shut up. Now the Justice Dudes have to go find Yawn.

The Chocolate Love Trenchcoat Dudes walk up to a red 1970s pimpmobile parked in a suburban yard. Scotty feels around underneath the thing and finds the hidden compartment, which is holding a lighter from Slim's Steakhouse. They set off on foot, with Scotty musing that the bus stop is over there. "That transfer is good for twenty minutes, homes." Hee.

A plate of food is set in front of Yawn. He doesn't touch it. A wiseguy barks, "Wassa matta, you don't like the roasted pine nut pilaf? We'll get you some stir-fried veggies. Hey, stir-fry the kid!" Lawyer Ghost says to say he just had a Polish sausage an hour ago at Roma's. "You go to Roma's? The best. Where'd you stay in Reno?" LG says to says Harrah's. Yawn does. Really? Ricky always used to stay in the Paradise. They stare at Yawn, chewing thoughtfully. Then, "Justice Department, nobody move!" Yawn is relieved. LG says, whoo, that was close. "Told you I'd get you out of this." Then he poofs. Then Justice Dude and Wiseguy hug. "I love that bit! Let me play you this tape, our little friend from the FBI is on it." Yawn trembles, and the opera swells.

The Justice Dude takes Yawn downstairs, since the Wiseguy's doctor says he has to wait for twenty minutes after he eats to kill someone. Justice Guy says, "Relax, it'll all be over soon."

Outside the steakhouse, the Chocolate Trenchcoat Duo lingers coolly. TNT goes in to check it out.

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Dead Last

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