Daniel In The Lion's Den

Episode Report Card
Heathen: D | Grade It Now!
Who Am I? I'm Jean Valjean!

As an enraptured crowd swirls around him, Minton addresses his supporters. He's a tall guy, bald on top with brown hair and a beard -- he could be the strapping younger brother of Toby on The West Wing. Minton confesses he's never held public office, nor harbored any particular political ambitions. "I don't know double-talk, and I'm too old to learn a new language," Minton says. "So if you ever see me dodge a question or act like a politician in any way, slap me around with a sea bass or something." Nikki watches, drooling, while Wallace hugs a pole and laments his lack of sea bass, then wonders if his own private salmon could do the trick. The crowd claps enthusiastically for Minton and shouts things like "Terrific" and "Yay." Minton blazes a trail to Wallace and shakes the reporter's hand, commending him on an "excellent piece about the stripers coming back to Harlem River." Wallace commends Danny's suck-up skills, which is a natural catalyst for turning the conversation toward Nikki Masucci, object of lust. Devouring her with his eyes and shaking her hand, Danny asks Nikki whether she got his message and wants to go out Friday night. She's shocked; apparently, he left it on her home machine. There's a long pause while the two of them mentally undress each other and Minton fingers Nikki's trembling palm. Nikki has three mental orgasms. Wallace jealously hisses that Nikki should drop his hand. "Oh, I'm just learning how to press the flesh," Minton says, kissing Nikki's hand despite her obvious interest in offering a few different square-inches of flesh on which to practice. Right on cue, orgasm number four comes and goes. Nikki slinks away.

Minton escorts Wallace to the open bar, hoping sweet, cooling alcohol can calm his raging libido and take his mind off Nikki -- but his hopes are dashed when Wallace orders a Bushmills. Benton then asks Minton what he'll do if elected, and we're treated to a speech about converting old abandoned buildings into faculty housing as a way to lure the well-paid suburban teachers back to the inner city. Wallace also extracts from Minton the name of his alma mater: Henniker College in New Hampshire. They toast each other as Nikki and Minton steal furtive glances at each other's asses.

Tipsy, Minton struts onto the sidewalk outside the bar and proclaims that he hopes he loses the election, as hearing his own voice has grown tiresome. Nikki strolls out after him, and Minton invites her back to his place. "I'm more of a third-date kind of gal," Nikki says, hoping he doesn't know about the existence of the number two. As he hails Nikki a cab, Minton suggests that she pencil him in soon for that third date. Nikki grabs Danny for a passionate kiss, then pulls him into the cab so that she's lying prostate on the back seat. Her right leg wraps around his body. This is officially more action than Bebe ever got from Frasier Crane. A photographer snaps pictures of the canoodling couple, then stares proudly at his camera and its enormously long lens, because the machine was just a point-and-shoot Pentax until it got a look at the tight-dress-clad Nikki cleaving to Minton in the back of the car.

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