Lovers And Madmen

Episode Report Card
Heathen: D | Grade It Now!
No Sex For The Wicked

Brooke transcribes the interview in her office, and Wallace overhears Zander's comment about Catherine's money. "No follow-up question, honey? That's bad reportage," Wallace chides her jokingly, but obviously the question struck a chord. "I hear he's crazy," Wallace grins, wiggling his fingers and whistling weirdly. "Ask the cops." God, this is dull. Brooke shoos him as he gets in a few more digs about Zander's insanity. Brooke glares, which is what she does best, and Wallace grates, which is likewise his specialty.

At a table in the commissary, Wallace and Hildy pore over an invitation to an event supporting Hobbs' New Composers fund. Wallace's version features cut-out letters that spell "COME FOR ANSWERS." Wallace calls Hobbs the "fatuous fool keeping the flame alive for the late Catherine the pancake." Hildy raises her eyebrows and they agree that it's worth going for the mystery, intrigue and handy social-climbing. Wallace also has a hankering for his favorite kind of whiskey -- the free kind.

The event is celebrating the fifth year of the composer fund, Hobbs tells an assembled crowd, and its purpose is matching new musicians with rookie patrons "with lots of money and no idea what to do with it." The audience erupts in laughter, except for Hildy and Wallace, who just exchange glances and roll their eyes. Hobbs introduces a dot-com billionaire and executive who looks about twenty-four, which wins more derision from the Ledger contingent. CEO Jr. thanks Hobbs for "teaching me Yanni is not a latter-day Beethoven, and that CĂ©line Dion may be a diva, but the Titanic theme is hardly opera." More laughter, because morons are funny, and stuff. Hobbs introduces Marcel France, a bald and vaguely stern-looking musician who sits down and bangs away a grim dirge on the piano. Hildy giggles and tells a completely pointless story about her childhood. "I had this uncle, and he used to make us sit around the cottage and listen to his friends' atonal compositions," Hildy says, "and there was this guy was sitting at the piano for four-and-a-half minutes naked." In some states, that's called child abuse. In others, it's called a family reunion, but that's better left alone. Wallace struts to the back of the room and calls Beth on his mobile. His hair stands six feet tall -- he's Kid from House Party. "Got a pencil? Good girl," he condescends. She chastises him and he corrects it to "woman," which is apparently an acceptable enough compromise that Beth will return to being his bitch and might even make him a sandwich. Wallace asks her to look up Marcel France. Afterward, she can check out Juan Spain, Dmitri Russia and -- if she's lucky -- Ouagadougou Africa, but that might be too much excitement for one day.

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