The camera stares down at Wallace while he chugs a drink. Nothing is more enticing than a full view of Oliver Platt's nostrils as alcohol dribbles down his chin. Could somebody get this man a trough? Benton harasses a patient waiter, but abandons that wild fun when he spots a fully stocked bar in a dark corner. Brooke drags over her vapid blond date. "I'm a huge fan," the boy-toy gushes. Wallace gets him to admit he doesn't read the Ledger at all, much less his column. "Er, Brooke tells me it's...quite lively," Boy-Toy chips in lamely. "It's a real hothouse of intellectual ferment and kinky sex," Wallace says. "Or in some cases, kinky ferment and strictly intellectual sex," Brooke bitches, glaring at him. Ha! Brooke 1, Wallace 0. Beth comes storming over, mouthing off about how she thought Benton ditched her for "some slutty little Foxcroft alum." Brooke sneers and introduces Beth as "Betsy Combo." They snipe. "I think you're getting a little hypoglycemic, don't you, dear?" Wallace asks Brooke smoothly. She stalks off with an aloof laugh, dragging Boy-Toy with her. "Sorry, she's an evil bitch," Wallace says to Beth, who concurs wholeheartedly. Benton demands a full drink from the bartender, who only dispenses a drop and incurs Wally's lazy wrath. "What's with the 'tude, bro?" he hisses. The bartender says he reads "Nothing but the Truth" and is irate that Wallace wants to play savior now after imploring a jury to execute B&W the first time. "Like without the white man there can be no justice," the bartender snaps. "Maybe if they get out, you can co-sign the papers for their government cheese, too." Huh? Government cheese? Should that have been government cheese, like from some region in South France? Wallace is so confused by this insanity that he doesn't even try to steal more whiskey after the bartender storms away. His bow-tie looks thirsty and twists resentfully counter-clockwise.
Episode Report CardHeathen: D | 450 USERS: C+
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