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Meet the Titans

If the white sandy beaches, palm trees, billion-dollar resorts and ukulele music didn't tip you off, the super at the bottom of the screen informs us that we're in Hawaii. Cut to a room with an ocean view, that and a view of scrumptious Heather. Of course we don't know she's Heather yet but she's currently smiling at me. Oh wait. She's smiling at shirtless Chandler, except we don't know he's Chandler yet. What we do know, is that this "conventionally" attractive couple has a fierce jones for each other. They exchange some saliva and he interrupts to tell her something important. "Don't, don't say a word," she interrupts. Isn't that a double negative? He wants to talk about "us," but she just wants to live in the moment. He wants her to come with back with him to his base in San Diego. What girl could refuse that offer? She promises to think about it. We fade out.

It's a brand new day and Chandler waits impatiently at the airport gate. He is told that there just isn't any time left and that he must board. Frustrated and heartbroken, he rips up the companion ticket and heads for the plane. It must have been one of those non-refundable coach seats. Just before he boards the plane he takes one last hopeful look for the mystery girl. He can't see her but she's there, all right, hiding in the shadows of the Hawaiian foliage.

The credits roll and it's just your basic glamour shots set to the Sneaker Pimps hit "6 Underground." Ooh, special musical guest The Box will be appearing tonight. What is this, Saturday Night Live?

Two months have passed and somebody at NBC accidentally slipped in a copy of Top Gun. Maverick requests a high-speed fly-by and the tower refuses. The hot shot does it anyway. What a rebel. Wait a minute, this is still Titans, and we're actually at the Mojave air base, and it's Chandler flying the plane, after all. Oh, look -- how cute; he's got his name stenciled on the side of the jet. It must be his personal plane. I'd also like to point out here that Chandler is supposed to be in the Navy, but his jet has an Air Force insignia on it.

A humvee is waiting for him. The driver asks for Chandler's destination and he answers, "Shower, change, then Beverly Hills." Aha, so Chandler's loaded and, like, most heirs to massive fortunes, he's taken the honorable route of joining the military rather than spend his daddy's bucks while at some college that accepted a new wing of the library in exchange for admission.

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