Deadline
Pilot

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Meet the Titans

We cut to a mansion, presumably in Beverly Hills where we're introduced to Gwen, Laurie, and Jenny Williams. Gwen reminds her daughters that their father "is getting married and he needs their support." Good thing she told us -- I mean, "them." The blonde and brunette daughters do a spin for their mom, who affirms their hideous attire choices, "Very nice, very appropriate." Sure, for a CĂ©line Dion wedding, maybe. The girls leave for the party just as the Hummer pulls up and deposits a freshly scrubbed Chandler in his navy whites.

Chandler knocks on the door and greets Gwen, who I guess is his mom too: "Two years and you look exactly the same." Well, you would, too, if you were on the Victoria Principal Skin Care Program. After two years, he wants to know how work is. "Work is great," she assures him. "All my hotels are full and all my resorts are booked weeks in advance." Sure, but is she satisfied? The two share some concerns over his father's impending nuptials and Gwen thinks that the new bride may be too young for him. Enough of this chitchat; Chandler's spent three minutes with his mother after not seeing her for two years and he's had enough. He heads across the street to his father's house. By the way, it's so great to see a divorced couple living across the street from each other so as not to psychologically damage their thirty-year-old children.

At the party, Chandler is immediately greeted by his brunette sister, Jenny, who's wearing something from the Barbara Eden collection. "As usual," Chandler smells like "jet fuel and Old Spice." Didn't he just take a shower at the base? The one thing she doesn't smell like is hooch, since Jenny hasn't had a drink in five months. I smell a relapse. Blonde sister Laurie enters the scene making a snide comment about still keeping an eye on the boozehound. Jenny moans that "most sisters are soulmates, mine's a watchdog." What? Most sisters are soulmates? Only in Hollywood. Brother Peter joins the reunion with a Martini in hand (Drink #1).

Now please pay attention, because there's some financial gobbledy-gook coming up that's going to resurface later. Chandler asks how his brother is doing. Peter boasts that he's great, since "Williams Aviation stock split twice this year." Peter's the businessman in the family and feels under-appreciated for all he's done for the Williams corporation and family. Apparently Chandler never even checks his statement. Bored with business and bored with the conversation, Chandler heads off in search of dear old dad.

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