Gwen crosses back to Richard's house and walks in on Peter and the Lawyers (one of my favorite '80s bands) trying to finalize the pre-nup with Papa Williams. Heather announces that she's already signed it, which seems to surprise Peter, except that he's the one who handed the document to his father, so you'd think he would have noticed something as significant as Heather's signature. The terms are ridiculously small for a multi-millionaire. In case of death or divorce, Heather is entitled only to $300,000. I'm sure Wing is entitled to that much and her and Glark are only millionaires. ["God forbid! I think you're right, though." -- Wing Chun] Regardless, Heather is satisfied with the terms and begs Richard to sign it so she can have some lunch. Her fiancée has second thoughts. He goes into a little monologue about the importance of the vows he's about to take and how he's marrying Heather for life. Apparently those vows are only worth anything when marrying trophy wives. While he waxes eloquently about true love, Heather puckers her face up in little scheming expressions. Is she having a seizure? Peter and the lawyers are too engrossed with Richard's ode to love to notice her. In the end, their marriage certificate will be the only documentation Richard needs. He rips up the pre-nup, and he and Heather head off to that all-important second meal of the day. ["Drinks?" -- Wing Chun]
That night, Laurie and Jenny are preparing to leave for the rehearsal dinner. Once again, their mother approves of their poorly chosen attire, and wishes them well at the restaurant. But wait. Billy still hasn't shown up yet. Does this have something to do with Laurie's threat? The big secret that only she knows? Jenny is worried. He is already thirty minutes late. She sends Laurie on her way and promises to follow as soon as her date arrives. Gwen retires to the second floor to read a book, leaving Jenny alone, unsupervised, with the finely aged booze that's just sitting around in the open. Her eyes dart from the crystal to the window, from the window to the crystal. It's all too much for her. All in all, it's taken less than fifteen seconds for Jenny to break down and start guzzling the hooch. Once she does though, a smile creeps across her face. Ah, sweet liquor eases the pain.
This is one of the most poorly attended rehearsal dinners ever. Heather, Richard, Peter, Chandler, and Laurie and are the only people there. Doesn't Heather have any family, friends, co-workers? Guess not. When pressed, Heather lies (I'm going out on a limb here and saying that it's a lie; I pray that future episodes bear me out on this) that her parents both died when she was seven. Her parents skidded on an icy road in Cleveland. She vowed at their funeral never to live where it snows. How noble. For some reason this has some importance, since it causes some looky-loo action between her and Chandler. Friends of her parents adopted her. Oh -- well, Chandler's adopted too. I guess this is where Spelling Entertainment thought that they would make things less disgusting by having Heather having sex with her future husband's non-blood-related son. Ya see, then it's only regular adultery rather than incest adultery. Phew, survived that moral dilemma. ["Unless they're setting it up for them to be brother and sister, biologically." -- Wing Chun] Heather is far more interested in Chandler's adoption than a child bride should be. Laurie notes how sad it must be that nobody will walk Heather down the aisle. Nonsense! Richard offers up either one of his two boys to handle the chore. He flips a coin and golly if Chandler doesn't win the toss. Heather agrees to her escort on one condition -- that he wear his navy uniform. She "always loved a man in uniform." Aha, wink wink, nudge nudge.