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Meet the Titans

Peter drops Heather off at her house. Hey, she's got a mansion too! Heather wants to know why Peter distrusts her. He knows that she manipulated Richard into ripping up the pre-nuptial agreement, and he won't stop until she's been revealed for the gold digger that she is. She responds to these charges by slipping off her dress and jumping into the pool naked. Why? Maybe at her parents' funeral she also vowed never to swim with a bathing suit on ever again. Peter doesn't respond which is our first hint that he may be gay. Gay or not, he gets off another great line when Heather asks him to join her. Peter refuses to jump in because he doesn't swim with sharks. SCORE! ["He's getting all the good lines? Then he's definitely gay." -- Wing Chun]

Wow, it's the day of the wedding already and tradition is shattered for the first time today (there are more coming, trust me) when Richard sees his bride before the ceremony. She's livid that Gwen has been invited. He kind of apologizes. She wants him to do what he can to see that Gwen moves to some other mansion in Beverly Hills; across the street is just "too close." Richard says he'll do what he can. Uh oh, Samantha Sanchez has been eavesdropping on their whole conversation. Shouldn't she be doing some laundry right now? She runs outside and meets up with Laurie and Jenny -- again appropriately dressed for Hollywood Boulevard -- and their mom. Samantha reveals Heather's plans to Gwen, but never fear: nobody -- not Richard, certainly not Heather -- is going to get Gwen out of her home.

The wedding is attended by, at most, fifty people -- a sure-fire way to avoid the high cost of paying and feeding extras. Peter walks Gwen down the aisle and seats her in the front row. Now I'm not too knowledgeable about wedding etiquette but I'm positive you don't seat the groom's ex-wife in the front pew. Oh, the rich really do live different lives from the rest of us.

Heather is dressed in what is easily the sluttiest wedding gown I've ever seen. Chandler must have misplaced his Navy whites, because he's now dressed in some kind of waiter's uniform. As he walks Heather down the aisle, she gives good glare to Gwen and Samantha. Just before they arrive at the altar, Chandler congratulates Heather on her nuptials. She congratulates him back, because she's pregnant, and the baby's Chandler's. Again, the moment is incredibly anticlimactic, because if you hadn't known this was coming, you've been holed up in an igloo for the past four months. As the ceremony begins, we fade to black.

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