Red Herring

Episode Report Card
Heathen: D | Grade It Now!
Sweet Merciful God, It's Over

When he leaves the precinct, Wallace runs into Mickey O'Neill, a crime reporter for a competing paper. "Tell me about Valerie Dunne," Mickey says, casually. Benton tries to leave, but Mickey stops him, saying he's seen the photos and wants to know if Wallace pulverized her. Given that the police think he's a violent maniac, Benton decides that the best way to craft a pacifistic image is to grab Mickey and shove him roughly against the wall. Perhaps he'll try to pass it off as an old family mating ritual. Benton says that a real reporter would be interrogating Lambino instead of him. Mickey cockily informs him that Lambino was in the hospital the whole time, having had his skull cracked during the fight-club riot. Stunned, Wallace lets go of Mickey and leaves.

If you believe NBC, then The Bible is home to the ten greatest stories of all time. "In the Beginning" is the latest Christianity-centric Special Movie Event, and quite frankly, I'm bored with the idea. Let's give another religion a chance. Let's satisfy the Taoist fundamentalists for once.

Wallace purposefully strides into the office, slowing down when he notices that no one is working. Instead, they're staring at him, which he interprets as a quiet assumption of his guilt. It speaks highly of Wallace that, when he gets accused of pummeling a woman to death, every last person in the room takes one look at him and thinks, "Oh yeah. He's a killer." Wallace is annoyed. "I bless each and every one of you, my trusting and supportive colleagues," he says sarcastically, retreating into Hildy's office.

Hildy has been digging up some dirt on Dunne. "Her dance card is filled with mobsters and other lowlifes," Hildy says. A joke ensues about film critics being lowlifes, although I think television critics proved themselves a more scalding force in Lili's life as of late. Hildy whips out photographs of Valerie exiting an S&M club with a guy Benton identifies as Yacqui Ramos, the boxer from the previous night. Inexplicably, Charlie is standing there. Charlie, don't you have homework? Class, maybe? A social life? A goldfish? Anyway, Charlie serves as the convenient peg for an O.J. joke. "I know what you're thinking," Benton tells Charlie. "You think I'm O.J. looking for the real killer." Charlie is silent, then quits the room without a word, either agreeing with that statement or just pissed that Benton reminded him why he can't laugh at The Naked Gun without feeling dirty.

At Gleason's Arena, a boxing facility, Benton talks to manager Tom Lindeman. Tom argues that Ramos is a Christian man with a wife and kids, so he ended the affair with Valerie because he recognized it as a terrible mistake. "He may have been an animal inside the ring, but outisde, he's a decent, loyal guy," Tom says. "What, did his Church share space with the S&M parlor?" Wallace wonders aloud. That doesn't sound so foreign to me -- plenty of religions promote self-flagellation.

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