Deadwood
Full Faith and Credit

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B- | 1 USERS: B
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Full Faith and Credit

Al's back on his balcony with his coffee when he sees Captain Turner, that blight for sore eyes, blundering across the thoroughfare. Al turns quickly to be sure to meet him downstairs at the door. "If I was approaching you backwards, Captain, had a mirror to observe your activity, just now I'd be most trepidatious, for, Johnny," he says, nodding to his cautious lackey, "this is a man when acting from behind and advantaged with a weapon...very much to be feared." Captain Turner, who speaks with the voice of a cartoon gorilla, says he was just doing his job. Al walks up and, with his still-bandaged hand, takes the letter he's brought from his boss. From the back, Dan comes out toweling off his face. "You don't want to speak like that again to Mr. Hearst," Turner warns him. "Yeah. I do," Dan says, stoney-eyed. "You want to try and change my fuckin' mind?" Captain Tuner: "Not only will I change your mind, I'll rip your whole fucking head off." If Dan wasn't so mad, you know he'd roll his eyes, because, please, he's heard far more creative threats than that. Al gives his eyebrows a morning workout as he reads Hearst's note. "Another fuckin' invite," he says. "Fuckin' Hearst must take me for an optimist." Seriously, because...what could it possibly say? "Dear Al, you are cordially invited to get your other nine fingers chopped off"? "Your presence is my present"? "BYOB"? Dan's still mad. "I'm 'on kill that cocksucker," he says. Al assures him: "All in good time."

At the Bella Union, one of Langrishe's actresses is making call. According to the HBO website, her name is Claudia and yeah, she was in the last episode, and she's great, but I wish I could just leave all her scenes out because...y'all, nothing has happened yet in this episode with the main characters. We're on minute NINE, here. I don't have time for the new girl. Anyway, she's beautifully, if garishly, dressed, and as unlikely and stomach-turning as one may find it, she flirts shamelessly with Con Stapleton, asking him to teach her how to play craps. Her attentions cause him some, siiiiiigh, testicular discomfort, which he blames on the Chinese laundry shrinking his pants and he whips out (haaa!) his lucky dice for her to blow on (heeee!). Leon and I look on in fascination and disgust as Con deals with the inflammation of his clap, and I run and take a quick shower, though I may never be clean again.

Harry's late for his job at the No. 10, and Nuttall ain't happy. This is a weird scene to me, mostly because Nuttall is acting so angry and defensive from the jump, but also because his voice sounds really different than in previous seasons. Hey, Leon Rippy, don't be trying to act like you're ashamed of that North Carolina accent we've been listening to for the last two years. Anyway, he says Harry's whole plan is stupid -- he's running for sheriff because when he's beat, he hopes to become second deputy in case a fire department is started. "Why not build a fuckin' fire wagon that you then rent out to the camp?" Nuttall asks, with significance. Harry says he would if he had the money. Nuttall has to spell it out for him. "If you had a loan for the wagon's makings and help with the fuckin' carpentry," he asks, "would you build the wagon then?" Harry finally understands. He excitedly says that he'd repay Nuttall, with interest. "Well, that's the 20 percent, pre-deducted from the makings' purchase," Nuttall furiously explains. "We build the fuckin' wagon, then rent it to the camp." Slamming his rag down on the bar, he tells the confused Harry to never speak of this again, adding his closing demand that they get "two fuckin' fire hats." Awesome -- wasn't Charlie fire inspector, though, ordained as such during the peaches meeting? I know that's not the same as a fireman, but...I'm just saying.

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Deadwood

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