Deadwood
Tell Your God To Ready For Blood

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Tell Your God To Ready For Blood
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Welcome back, you cocksuckers, one and all. What a long and dusty hiatus we have suffered without our brethren in fucking arms. It's a new day in Deadwood -- six weeks since we last saw the camp -- and Al steps out on his balcony to observe the thoroughfare. To my great delight, he appears to be seriously ticked off, just how we like him.

Below, Dan has come out the front door of the Gem, warily watching something going on inside as he looks up to tell Al that events at the bar are "fixin' toward a bloody outcome." Al knows. "Absentin' myself," he says, "don't change your fuckin' instructions." Dan sighs and goes back in where some dirty guys are chatting away in Cornish, which has got to be just about the craziest language ever spoken by white people, and are being nonsensically harassed by some goon in a bowler who keeps disturbing their conversation by raising his glass and saying "parp" over and over again. According to my extensive searching on the origins of the word parp and what it might have meant to a Cornishman in the 1800s...I don't know. Allegedly, it now is used by the English as slang for "utter garbage" or, in one definition I found, to mean "an odorless bum whistle." That one's for you, Glark.

Anyway, these Cornish guys at the bar are getting irritated, and Dan is watching it all go down, growing more and more concerned as they approach the inevitable outcome. He twitches at Johnny, who is holding a gun under the bar trained on the parp guy who has now ramped up his insults to include such obscenities as "whoop goggle, boop, boop!" The Cornishmen have had enough and turn to face their verbal assailant. Johnny looks again to Dan who signals for him to stay cool, but tensions barely have time to mount before the bowler hat shoots the middle Cornishman right in the parp, killing him. "HEY!" Dan yells. "He come at me," the bowler hat says, "with his foreign gibberish." Uh, whatever. While that may technically be true, Dan doesn't like unnecessary murders in the joint, and he commands everyone to get the fuck out. "G'day sir," bowler says with a questionable Irish accent and leaves with his backup henchman as Dan nearly grinds down his own teeth. Al steps out from his office now and observes the dead body. "Wu's out of camp," Johnny says, noting that their usual method of human disposal is unavailable. Al tells them to store the guy in the ice house and turns and slams his door.

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Deadwood

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