A Drop Of Blood & A Microscope

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
A Biter Named Carl


Sofia: "Glad you didn't bail on our weekly game. Like you're doing to your marriage."
Samantha: "You have no idea how many pills I have inside of me right now."
Sofia: "I'll miss this weekly battle so much, when you're not with us anymore."
Samantha: "I am not going to talk to you about Santa Barbara."
Sofia: "Who says I meant Santa Barbara, darling? Anyway, every family has dark days, rocky stretches. I've stuck by Robert through ours, and I'm proud of that."
Samantha: "The thing you're not getting is that this particular family is not something I want my kids around. All this talk about the virtues and the commitment and the importance of family really doesn't apply to my specific case, because it is your actual family that I find corrupt. See how that works?"


M.I.A. is the worst. Just the worst person. Anyway, a M.I.A. song plays Julian and Joanna back into town in their helicopter, which Nichole's intense lesbian boss finds very interesting because who is Julian's new lady? And is she an asshole like the rest of them? And what will being the latest tabloid bait do to her increasingly problematic dual identity?

And did Mia really spend until sun-up canoodling with Rando on some gross boat somewhere? And if so, why? I guess she does like motorcycles.


Sofia makes it through most of the game before going rabid, snapping ball after ball directly at Marin Hinkle's face and body until she nearly starts crying, then shoving her against the wall with a racquet at her throat, barking orders and crazy talk directly in her daughter-in-law's face. The fact that they're both wearing adorable tennis whites and battle ponies -- not to mention Sofia's rockin' bod, remember -- makes it all the more exhilarating.

Sofia: "Edward fought for his job this morning and he won. He's not going anywhere."
Samantha: "I don't care! We're going either way!"
Sofia: "The fuck you are. You can go to California, go to hell for all I care. But you're not taking those little girls. Things have a way of happening to people who threaten my little girls. And you know the price for disloyalty in this family. So you'll stand by your husband's side, during this difficult time or you'll be found unfit to parent. And the next time you see the girls, they won't remember your name."

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