Don’t Be A Dummy

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
The Harlem Fakeout


Edward: "Remember that time I told you about the Lyritrol exposé and you made it clear you were going to murder all of us?"
Robert: "I can't talk about that right now. Mia's off on a motorcycle and Julian is who knows where. Probably mewling at Haverstock."
Edward: "You are correct on that one. It was, frankly, adorable."
Robert: "If that jerk Senator gets another one of my kids pregnant..."


Haverstock: "Huge meaty guy, go find Motorcycle. I won't have my secret daughter acting dumb all up and down the east coast."
Julian: "I need to yell at you for awhile and feel like a man, okay?"
Haverstock: "Let's instead discuss how come your dad never came after me about this until like last week."

Robert: "Vivian told me about Haverstock like right before Mia was born. We were fighting and she just busted out this amazing story about him roofying her. So I went to his house and yelled at him..."

Haverstock: "It was adorable! Just like you're doing now."
Julian: "You raped his daughter!"
Haverstock: "Kind of. Kind of I did. But kind of, she was a teen slut. So no foul."
Julian: "I can see your point!"
Haverstock: "But that's not the end of the story. Because then, Edward raped and strangled that girl to death..."
Julian: "You were the District Attorney! How could you possible help us with that?"

Robert: "Besides the obvious, you mean? The golf club you used to strangle her with."
Edward: "How do you strangle a person with a golf club?"

Julian: "So you've been holding onto that since then?"
Haverstock: "Yeah, because statutory rape goes away after five years, but murder never does. So I own him forever."

Robert: "So basically I could either overlook my daughter's recent kinda-rape, or prevent your future one. In the butt."
Edward: "I guess you chose right. And I did get a baby sister out of the deal. But I'm still gonna make this about me, okay?"

Haverstock: "I lost the girl-woman-child I loved, and my only child, and my best friend. I am really the victim here."
Julian: "I have to go think about all this."


Mia: "Screwtop wines are really getting to be a big deal in America."
Motorcycle: "I have no way of knowing if that's true because we are of different classes."

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