What an odd, unsatisfying, weirdly fitting non-finale of a thing. We spend 3/4 of the episode following up on things we don't know or care about -- the murder of Catherine Bowers, the murder of Sofia's father; the death and revenge for a character who's been offscreen for the entire season -- and then assembling a dumb Rube Goldberg of props and random characters -- most invented in the last episode or two, or from whole cloth -- in order to arrive at Vivian's actual murder... Which then doesn't really matter, because nothing actually changes, and the onscreen moment itself is just one character standing on some stairs being menacing toward her for a second.
I'd like to think it's overconfidence, that this half-assed little dramedy was feelings its oats and decided to pretend it doesn't know what a season or series finale is so we'd all start a letter-writing campaign full of demands, but really the last act is just a tonally mystifying trip through the motions of setting up a Season Two that for sure is not happening, which characters shifting alliances and brute-forcing dynamics and secrets back into places...
So whatever. Edward and Mia stick to Samantha's bedside -- she got shot by the mysterious gunman last week, remember -- and eventually turn her off. While at the hospital, Mia hooks back up with Motorcycle for no reason, and they abruptly fall in love. Meanwhile, Edward lies at a lineup about his Russian mob assassin so that he can have his own revenge of hiring a different mob (?) to cut off the guy's hands.
Wyatt's appearance at a grocery store sends Sofia into a mad rage, and she ends up with some pretty incandescent moments opposite Will before fading out of the story altogether -- but then in the series's final moments, Wyatt appears and kidnaps Mia. Why? I don't really care, but I'm annoyed to be asked the question. In fact, the only things I can say I genuinely enjoyed were: 1) A very low-key scene in which Joanna finally questions Dwight; 2) A sweetly quiet scene between Edward and Mia in the caf; and 3) Sofia giving Will the exact amount of respect his self-important ass deserves.
The FBI and NYPD characters randomly figure out that the heroin guy from last week, who is apparently a rich family man on Long Island when he's not raping little girls and giving them heroin, was a witness to something or other. He tells Joanna that Vivian left the motel that night, even though she was found there the next morning -- which gibes with a dropped hint from Julian about how she was wearing the wine cellar bracelet that night too. Maybe. So the idea is that she was killed at home and then dropped off back at the hotel, at which point she did some of the heroin she'd been given earlier?
But the real dumb part is that Robert -- because oh yeah, it was Robert, no big deal, I mean did you honestly think there was going to be any ceremony or explanation to the central story of the entire show? -- got Mia to pack his suitcase because Sofia was drunk and he wanted to go fuck his mistress, but then emptied out the suitcase, folded up his dead daughter's body inside it that he had just killed, and took it to this motel, dumped her out, and gave the suitcase to the nearest homeless guy... None of which do we see, or is ever explained. He just killed her. Why? Fuck you for asking. Why not?
I don't know what to say. There were parts of this episode that I watched multiple times and I still don't understand them. Maybe it will make more sense in the morning. I just know that half of the episode was about bizarre shit from left field and everybody saying the word suitcase like a million billion times, and then the other half was setting up a future episode or episodes that will never come to pass. What a bizarre disjointed monster of a thing. If you told me I'd miscounted and the finale was next week, I would actually believe you.
As it stands, though, Joanna joins forces with Julian, Gabe, and Will under Senator Haverstock in order to bring Robert to justice, which puts her right back under Robert's suspicious nose and everybody else -- even Gabe, who spends about three hours getting unhelpful portentous exposition from Robert in a gondola somewhere before getting rid of the suitcase and ruining everything -- right back where they started. Only now, instead of trying to figure out who killed Vivian, they have to figure out this stuff with the suitcase. And I guess find Mia. And I guess that Russian Mob guy is gonna want his hands back? And Will sucks, eternally and forever.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
PREVIOUSLY
Vivian Bowers was found dead in a motel room, so her erstwhile/teen-pregnancy deserting BFF Joanna let the biggest A-hole in the entire FBI send her undercover to screw the family over and/or figure out whodunit. Over the course of ten weeks, they selected perps at random, ruining everybody's lives for no good reason and still came up bunko. Their latest fuckups: Edward's wife has been shot in the damn head, Julian's girlfriend has been strangled and shot for killing dozens of people and finally they have closed the case to much acclaim, despite not having actually solved it.
MEREDITH VIERA
"Murder, betrayal, scandal and, in the end, redemption. It's a saga that has gripped the imagination of the entire country..."
Robert: "Whoa there, Meredith. It's not actually that big a deal. I mean, don't forget the faked cover-up that nearly destroyed my company."
Meredith: "How are you coping?"
Sofia: "Faaaaabulously."
Meredith: "Really? Because all of your children jumped at the chance to fuck you over and you can't even trust your own employees, either."
Robert: "I don't hold grudges. I order hits on my own kids, but that kind of emotion... toxic, Meredith. It'll give you the kind of cancer not even Lyritrol can cure. Because Lyritrol can't cure cancer."
GO HOME JOANNA
Will: "Go home, Joanna. Why are you still here? I can't have you FBI-ing all over the place now that I've fired you like three times and the case is closed."
Joanna: "Except we didn't actually solve the case!"
Will: "Audrey Cruz said on a wire that she killed everybody."
Joanna: "Right."
Will: "And Vivian Bowers was a person, correct?"
Joanna: "...I'm gonna need like a Venn diagram. The important thing is that I tattled to Robert when she got pregnant seventeen years ago, which led to the Senator blackmailing Robert via Edward and let Sofia replace her miscarried baby with Vivian's baby, and thus led inexorably straight to Vivian's druggie past, which has... nothing to do with her getting murdered. Don't you see? If I'd just let her run away and have her baby when she was a child, Audrey Cruz would never have used Ben Preswick to destroy Lyritrol!"
So. Dumb. I love this show -- it took a long while, but I came to love this show -- and let me just tell you this is going to be a short recap, because this episode was bullshit.
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