Nothing's Free, Little Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good


Robert welcomes all his children, including Joanna, into the gazebo for some baking of clams; Sofia gushes delightfully over the granddaughters, and then demonstrates some real affection for Tater D (and his dog, Watson), and they all draw in together. The goofy, sweet music continues, and Sofia serves Joanna some friendly chilled wine, and it's all so heartbreakingly familiar that I don't know if I could even write about it correctly. Just that thing of wanting so much to have everybody there, and no worries, that you can put a time limit -- like a little egg-timer in your head -- on your behavior. "If I have this imaginary resentful conversation with my father for ten minutes before I go downstairs, everything will be fine. Get it out now, if you think you're gonna go there later, because this is about clams, not you." One of the few times omission isn't actually a sin: When you've set up the event specifically that way. Good behavior, for everybody, just for Saturday.

Rayburn takes Robert aside and assures him that Brother Vancourt will never play basketball again. Robert's pleased.


Will: "Okay, I have Ben Preswick, babydaddy and R&D whistleblower, identified. But I can't find him. Guessing he's terrified, because whoever killed Vivian probably is coming for him next."
Joanna: "I hope they don't find him before we do! Or rape and strangle him, of course."

Ben: "Hello?"
Edward: "Hey, it's me. Tater D. Looking fifty times fucking creepier than I have so far, in this show where I mostly just look creepy in new and inventive ways at all times. Can I come in? With this face like I'm about to rape and strangle you? Maybe not in that order?"


Joanna lets Julian fly her to the Bahamas, so she's sticking to the Baby Girl plan apparently. Sofia goes after Samantha the Ex. We learn the fate of Ben Preswick, baby daddy and Bowers Pharmaceutical R&D whistleblower. Presumably Ken Leung finds some more red tape to jack up around the place for no real reason. Maybe some more people die in cursory hilarious ways -- that would be fun. Julian shoves Joanna around, though, which even if by accident or just from being a huge messy cokehead, is still much less fun. Given her made-up history and all.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, Deception, and Pretty Little Liars for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this fall on

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