Nothing's Free, Little Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good

Will: "But Lyritrol! And he was thrown free and drowned!"
Der Kommissar: "He was chock full of coke, also. I've seen mighty funny things over the years. Not bath salts funny, but pretty funny."
Will: "Look, two related homicides, same cover-up. My FBI asset is already in place..."
Miles: "The ME hasn't even ruled the first one a homicide."
Gabe: "Edward killed her! Remember how sixteen years ago he..."

They actually just start describing the pilot to him, scene by scene. Gabe takes off his shoes and makes little puppets out of his socks so DCI Donald can better visualize what took place over the full hour of the episode. The only new information we glean is that the Edward/Vivian fight was two days earlier, Edward said he was home all night when she died but he wasn't, and that he's the CFO of Bowers. End result: Will and Gabe get three days to help Joanna come up with the name of the whistleblower in R&D.


Rando: "Hey, can you believe this? Magazines they print on paper, like we're in an old-timey movie. Maybe I'll read one... what's this? Vivian Bowers, that hilarious slut. I can't believe she's dead. What's more, I can't believe I lost my office pool! Am I right?"

Julian takes a moment to remember how he gave Vivian her first hit of marijuana -- a well-known gateway drug you may have heard of through countless hilarious jokes; instantly addictive, aids in productivity, makes you extra alert and super fascinating to be around -- and then A) punches Random Guy in the throat, then B) throws down a wad and grabs all the magazines on the entire magazine stand, walks about two yards and throws 'em in the garbage. Have you ever seen a movie or a TV show before? You've probably seen this happen, then. It only happens on TV, but it happens a shit-ton on TV. Especially original, quality TV:

Some Chick: "Julian, it's just me calling. Your favorite trust fund drug ho, let's call me Who Cares since I might as well be imaginary, because all I am is a chick in a bikini who called you, coincidentally, at your most backslideable -- like, I'm Spider-Slut over here and just suddenly picked up your vibes. This episode is not at all as good as the pilot, despite being basically the plot again."


Or some kind of park. Will exposits some more for us about how Joanna's abusive-husband story is fictive, but vetted by the FBI in case anybody (named Edward, duh) does a background check. So far, so good, but Joanna is shit out of luck if this family finds out about Google or Facebook.

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