Julian: "Remember how I was so badly behaved, as a boy?"
Joanna: "Do I ever. It was very attractive or so this show would have us believe."
Julian: "Remember that white girl I fucked to make you jealous? Tammy Hotchner?"
Joanna: "This is a really fun date. Also, she was a dumb whore."
Julian: "You're still jealous!"
Joanna: "No, just highly suggestible. Hey, remember how I took your virginity?"

Gabe: "WOW! This is some really interesting information!"
Will: "I prefer to think of myself less as a romantic partner, and more as an owner of vaginas. Even time-traveling back into the past to own vaginas I did not know."
Gabe: "Want that beer now?"
Will: "Yes. Because it's so funny how I am the worst. Grabbing a beer makes me relatable, because most men are hilariously as shitty as I am."
Gabe: "Question. Will you ever say anything that is not one of the three things you say?"
Will: "Maybe I will die at some point during the season and then my lazy-ass boring characterization will make more sense."

LATER

Will: "I don't remember signing a chain of custody form for your past vagina."
Joanna: "I don't remember when it was that I lost all my self-respect and decided not to punch anybody treating me this way. But here we both are anyway."
Will: "Done shaming you for your sexual history now. I just got a call that Ben Preswick got a phone call and therefore we can track his phone suddenly."
Joanna: "Is that really how phones work? Wouldn't it have to be connected to a tower and turned on to get the call in the first place?"
Will: "You got me. I'll let you know what happens with that -- you go back to your cushy pretend job with your boyfriend's daddy."

SCHOOL

Mia: "I can't help thinking there's something I've forgotten. Like a paper or a pre-Cotillion interview with the Times. Or to stay away from douches on motorcycles? Or how two episodes ago I was dealing drugs and now I'm just from the '50s?"
Carpet: "Or is it that we're in love?"
Mia: "No, Nice Guy. Stop being creepy. Let's talk about Mrs. Dalloway."
Carpet, mortifyingly: "Mrs. Dalloway is a good-ass book!"
(Vroom-vroom.)
Mia: "That's a really interesting perspective, Carpet. I have to climb on the back on my douche boyfriend's motorcycle now. My depressingly standard rebellion is as retrograde as a Phil Spector song. If you remember what I am forgetting, fix it for me. Worn-out menstruation joke!"
Carpet: "Worn-out menstruation joke to you too, Mia!"