One, Two, Three… One, Two, Three

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+

My notes, verbatim: "This is not what rich people do, this is what crazy people do."

Kyle: "How's my dancing?"
Sofia: "Fine. Don't get cocky. I've got my eye on you, Keith."
Kyle: "Kyle."
Sofia: "I know what your fucking name is. And if you are here for any reason other than to date my daughter and treat her wonderfully... I will eat your heart."

That's my girl.


Joanna chases Ben Preswick all the fuck over the place inside Bowers, from the IT to the commissary, up and down stairs, Benny Hill's in the mix for a sec, and then finally she just throws herself halfway down a flight of stairs and they go rolling horribly together, making grotesque shapes, and then they beat the shit out of each other for a really long time. Finally she's like, "Oh wait, I'm a cop! I'm here to help you!" And he's like, "Oh because I thought you were an assassin," and then they laugh and have some coffee, probably. Oh, Ben. Oh, Joanna. Oh, Bowers Pharmaceuticals.


Turns out Mia doesn't even have time to do something rebellious and stupid to ruin Cotillion: Some TMZ site (guessing Nichole's, guessing Kyle's involved somehow) leaks the news that Mia's the daughter of dead socialite Vivian Bowers and everything goes Chinatown. Theories? I hate to think that Haverstock is Mia's dad, but I'm still thinking it. Professional hazard from recapping PLL, presumably. I just want to know Edward's okay.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, Deception, and Pretty Little Liars for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this fall on

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