Edward: "I'll walk you out."
Samantha: "I'm good."
Edward: "How about if I squeeze your arm real scary? Will that reconcile our marriage?"
Samantha: "That is the opposite of how that works, actually. Later, bitches."

Sofia: "She still seeing that psychiatrist?"
Edward: "Fuck off, sea hag."
Julian: "Hey, Joanna. What are your plans after this awkward dinner?"
Joanna: "I think I'll stay in New York and get a job. Do you know of any jobs that are not being a policewoman? Because that is one thing I have no experience in."

Robert: "Maybe it's because I'm drunk, but probably it's because I am grief-stricken and looking for a young woman to replace my dead daughter, but how about you stay with us?"
Mia: "Vivian will still be dead, stupid."
Edward: "Yeah, I agree this is a bad idea. I have like fifty sketchy things going on as a guest of this house, I don't know if we can fit Joanna's obvious million problems too."
Robert: "No, you guys, I think we're doing this."
Edward: "There's paparazzi all around, we don't need a stranger in the... I mean, you're like family..."

Then this happens, and it's awesome:

Julian: "Hey Eddie? Next time you're lying awake wondering why no one likes you, flash back to this moment."
Edward: "I don't lie awake at night, because I don't do cocaine."
Sofia: "HA!"

Robert: "That settles it, you're always welcome here. Token objections have been raised and ignored."
Sofia: "...Yeah, sure. Why the fuck not."
Mia: "Okay this has been great and I'm glad we settled whatever is going on with this random chick, but can we possibly talk about my dead sister during this dinner? Because I have some things to share. Such as, TMZ says she was murdered."
Robert: "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, we get that. But don't add to it by listening to the press. Especially when it's about our family, or my corrupt corporation."
Sofia, chilled out: "Vivian died of a drug overdose. Those are the facts, bitch. Now if you want to talk about it, I'm prepared to act human for a minute..."
Mia, jetting: "No thank you! And can I be excused!?"