Motorcycle: "So, how you doing?"
Mia, verbatim: "Well, I'm the product of rape. A lot to take in on a random Friday night. But he says he loved her, and she loved him. Hell, maybe she did. On the bright side, he has an excellent voting record on women's issues..."
Motorcycle: "Dark! Ha! Man, you're great."
High Carpet: "Can I just, uh, get right on in here between the two of you? Not because I want to break you up. No. Not because of that. Basically the opposite of that, plus a little more. Lil' more Carpet in there."
Motorcycle: "Carpet, it was super cute when Mia was in there with her dad, but now it's just getting aggressive."
High Carpet: "I'm just saying, let's take some risks. You are magnificent, Motorcycle. And I would like to know what it is like to have some of that on me. On my person. So my suggestion is that we do it. What are your thoughts."
Motorcycle: "I'm not gonna lie, this is the awesomest you've ever been. But seriously, dude. Boundaries."
Robert, appearing: "EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! DRUNK TEENS OUT! HIGH TEENS OUT! CANDYFLIPPERS, MOLLYSIPPERS, ROLLERS AND TASKERS, ALL OF YOU, OUT! YOU TWO BOYS, GO MAKE OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE AND GET OFF MY DAUGHTER!"
Carpet: "Motorcycle, he's right. The situation is too volatile here on this couch. We need to take this party elsewhere, while Mia gets her just familial desserts."
Mia: "Motorcycle, please don't leave with Carpet. I have homeroom with that guy."
Robert: "LEAVE WITH CARPET, MOTORCYCLE. AT LEAST YOU WON'T KNOCK HIM UP!"
Sofia: "Oh, my. You know, this is really what I needed to brighten up my day. This is simply marvelous."
Robert lays down some excellent fatherly smack and Mia kinda pulls it together. Motorcycle and Carpet ride off into the misty millennial eve. One bitch slowly drains her red cup, staring Sofia right in the eye, and it is by far the best moment of the episode; another chick breaks a glass and Sofia's just like, "Charming. Really, dear?" Just when you think old Sofia's gonna zig, she zags. Who knew Teen Drug Orgy would bring her awesomeness so close to full blossom?
SOME BAR LIKE WHERE LAWYERS GO
Edward: "Some drink to remember. Some drink to forget. I drink to forget what I forgot."
Will: "I think we have more scenes together than any pair of people on this show. And yet we never really seem to recognize each other at first. It's weird."