Robert: "And again, she's your daughter. Why are you being so weird and homebound?"
Sofia: "It's the spin, Robert. We're failures because of Vivian, I stole her baby, we live in a house of lies, et cetera."
Robert: "Buck up, chum. You just fight this perception any way you can, like my little scrapper I know you are. You dive right into this unending brutal war we call life, and you wrench respectability right back out of its maw."
Sofia: "...Yep, that did that trick. Go brew some coffee? Momma needs to pick her face up."
TEEN ON A PHONE
Just one of the many weird anachronisms about this show: Everybody on the phone all the time. These people talk on the phone like it's a thing people do, it's so freaky. "Hey, did you have some information to relate to me? Why not annoy us both by telling me it on the phone? You talk as slowly and distractedly as possible, while I drive through tunnels and underwater and drop the call eighteen times, until we both feel like we hate each other -- at which point we'll both cede the eighteenth dropped call, and you'll end up texting me the information anyway."
Carpet: "Wait, so now you're back at the manse?"
Mia: "I can't drive my mother to suicide from Julian's house, dude."
Carpet: "I wanted to see his pad! His jockey shorts! His Under Armour."
Mia: "Are you gay for my brother, or is this just foreshadowing your eventual creepy bisexual vibe."
Carpet: "This entire Nice Guy persona foreshadows my eventual bisexuality. Come on. Anyway, I wish you could come party with me and Chloe. We're going to Fat Steve's."
This part was awesome:
Mia: "Ha, ew! His maid really creeps me out."
Carpet: "I know, right? Fat Steve said she lost her eye in some sort of revolution."
This. This is the show I want to be watching. That was fucking brilliant.
Mia: "Calling an audible. Round up everybody we know and get them here. We're going to fuck up the place while my grandparents are out watching their lives fall apart with a swiftness. Then and only then will my point have been made."
BROOKLYN RUSSIAN MAFIA BAKERY- EXT
Also payphones. Are there payphones? I can't remember the last time I saw a payphone. Sometimes you see the skeleton of one, standing guard at a corner, graffittoed, wires cut, coin slot well fingered, but these are surrounded by ghosts, and pee smell. Are there real payphones? Do I need to go to Brooklyn? And if so, where is the Russian Mafia? You know what, I'll just ask around when I get there. It's what Joanna would do.