MIA

Joanna: "We look so pretty! Help me put on this bracelet you loaned me."
Mia: "Sure. Help me put on these pearls Sofia gave me. They belonged to her mother, Gypsy Rose Lee."
Joanna: "What young girl doesn't look natural and classic with a big honkin' set of pearls. I hope you're looking forward to cotillion tonight. I never had one because I was poor, but I heard that the king gets to have sex with you afterwards."
Mia: "Joanna, can I ask your sisterly advice about something? Why are men such bitchy pussies about everything?"
Joanna: "Only on this show, Mia. Only on this show."

FAMEJUNKIE AFTER HRS

Nichole, in a millennial show of disobedience, has brought a homeless person into the offices from which she was today fired, and will be fucking him on all of the appliances and even Darcy's desk. He throws some paperwork around, and it's all very revolutionary because they are the 99% and Robert Bowers kills people.

Nichole: "Occupy me, homeless guy! Just occupy me!"
Homeless: "You should publish a blog entry about Mia, since we're right here next to this computer where the article has already been written and mocked up."
Nichole: "Good point! I will press the space bar."

She presses the space bar, like a bomb being detonated at cotillion, and then they smoke a bunch of crack and do it a weird backwards way.

COTILLION

Julian: "Audrey, you came to cotillion!"
Audrey: "Yes, but I am conflicted about it."
Julian: "Is that why you keep making those fucked up faces?"
Audrey: "No, that is just my face."

Robert: "Audrey Cruz, as I live and breathe. And I see you brought your affectations with you. I think we could really use a smug asshole like you over on Lyritrol. I would like to make you an offer, gauche as that seems."
Audrey: "I have a contract ruder that says I'm not even allowed to hear your offer."
Sofia: "Then I guess enjoy the free cocktails and shrimp, bitch."

Audrey leaves, literally, to go vomit. Of all the ludicrous people on this show, this lady who literally keeps walking into her own discomfort with her eyes wide open is possibly the most ludicrous. You can say it's because she still has feelings for Julian, but honestly I don't buy that for one second, because Julian does not pass basic muster. If you're going to have the entire cast leaping headlong into disaster just for one single glimpse of a dong, that dong should at least be attached to somebody you don't want to smack on sight. Not even the original actor from the pilot, who I love, could make this underwritten dork more appealing.