Deception
Why Wait?

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Sad Little Cipher
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

The previouslies this week are mainly just that one repeated shot of Vivian's dead body, intercut with people saying Ben Preswick's name over and over. Dead girl, Ben Preswick, dead girl, Ben Preswick. Mia's Vivian's daughter, Will is a tantrum-throwing manchild, everybody says "babydaddy" over and over like it's the medical term for that, and Lyritrol is deadly for cancer patients. Joanna thought Julian might have killed his sister, for valid reasons, but because he too is a tantrum-throwing manchild, it went poorly. Tonight is Mia's society debut; the last thing Joanna did was say "Ben Preswick" a bunch of times and then tell him she's an undercover cop working for the FBI. Because when you're working undercover for the FBI, you should constantly be telling people about it.

SIX HRS LATER

Will: "Ben Preswick! Why did you clobber Edward Bowers, Ben Preswick?"
Ben Preswick: "I don't want to talk about it."
Joanna, apropos of nothing: "Ben Preswick, I am a San Francisco narcotics detective here on special detail to the FBI. I want to find out who killed my best friend, Ben Preswick, so I'm working undercover within the family."
Will: "Ben Preswick, my partner here is just a woman. She should not have told you all these things, Ben Preswick, but I guess she does not understand how this works."
Ben Preswick: "But in another way, she does. Intuitively she grasped that telling me she was Vivian's best friend twenty years ago and hasn't talked to her since then would be the one thing that would crack this case wide open."

Joanna: "Ben Preswick!"
Will: "Ben Preswick!"
Ben Preswick: "Ben Preswick!"

FAMEJUNKIE

EIC Darcy: "[Tabloid chatter.]"
Horrible Nichole Frishette: "I found this old lady wandering around."
Old Lady: "You know, I'm very close with Dominick Dunne."
EIC Darcy: "What's happening here?"

What's happening here is that the old lady, name of Buffy, was friends with Robert's first wife Catherine that Sofia probably murdered. After Catherine died, Buffy was kicked out of the Bowers circle, because Sofia only wants soldiers and not old-lady friends. But guess what?

Nichole: "Buffy didn't see Robert and Sofia for years, until she ran into them at a dude ranch."
EIC Darcy: "Naturally."

Buffy took a picture of them at the dude ranch, a week before Sofia supposedly gave birth to Mia Bowers, and Sofia was cutting a trim figure atop a majestic Montana dude equine. So if Sofia was running around all unpregnant and horse whispering that week, then who was the babymama? Darcy can't wait to find out.

MIA

Sofia: "Mia! I brought you this dress for cotillion, and these pearls!"
Mia: "What young woman doesn't simply adore the classic look of pearls."
Sofia: (Eats her daughter's face in that way we've come to see she identifies with affection; Mia is grossed out.)
Mia: "Anyway, I'm still dating that motorcycle person."
Sofia: "Even after these pearls? Whatever, I'm just so glad to be your mom. My mother gave me these pearls right before she and Clyde Barrow went on that crime spree."
Mia: "That's nice. I wish you weren't digging your nails into my arm as you say it, though."
Sofia: "I would murder anybody that tried to take you away from me. Just keeping that on the table."

FAMEJUNKIE

Buffy: "So in summation, Vivian Bowers was not only a whore and a junkie, but also a teen mom. Bless her heart. Where's my check?"
Darcy: "Are we saying Mia has no idea about any of this? What a wonderful piece of mischief with which to concern ourselves today."
Nichole: "I love being the worst, don't you?"
Darcy: "With any luck she'll kill herself and we'll sell more internet clicks or whatever."

BEN PRESWICK

Ben Preswick: "So generally with a drug trial of 1200 patients you can get a couple deaths without anybody saying anything, and Lyritrol caused 27. But when I got back from Thailand I saw a report that ignored 25 of those. I knew something was up."
Will: "Ben Preswick, when does the deceased enter this story?"
Ben Preswick: "I told Vivian about it, and we fell in love around this time. We got ahold of some records that proved a payoff to those 25 families, but now it is gone."
Will: "Ben Preswick, is that why you were in the IT last night Ben Preswick? To pull the payoff spreadsheets from the mainframe?"
Ben Preswick: "I guess that's one way to describe it?"
Will: "In your opinion, Ben Preswick, do people who are up to no good keep payoff spreadsheets in offline accounting servers?"
Ben Preswick: "Now you're basically just saying random words."

Joanna: "And you say Edward also knew about this, Ben Preswick?"
Ben Preswick: "Yeah, and now she's dead. On the other hand, he put me in a safehouse. But on the other-other hand, it wasn't so safe after all, because I was ambushed by a charmless horrible FBI agent there and forced to run across rat-infested roofs."
Will: "Ben Preswick, I'm familiar with this part of the story. Will you excuse us, Ben Preswick?"

OUTSIDE

Joanna: "Are you going to bitch at me for telling Ben Preswick I'm working undercover? The one thing people shouldn't do when they are working undercover?"
Will: "I have a whole list of things to bitch at you about. That is merely one."
Joanna: "It seems pretty clear that Edward killed his sister. And is also very rude."
Will: "Counter to all evidence, I am still very sure that Julian killed his sister. Mainly because you are a whore."
Joanna: "Please, please forgive me for existing! Without your approval I am nothing!"

Ken Leung: "Could you guys quit sucking? It's making me look bad."
Joanna: "You mean people in the office aren't totally fascinated by a love triangle between the three least compelling people on this entire show?"
Will: "He's right. You really need to act more mature."
Joanna: "I know, I'm just a silly dumb whore. God, Joanna! Quit fucking up, Joanna!"
Will: "Hey, don't beat yourself up. Wait for me to do it -- emotionally. Now, let's arrange a complicated mission where it takes three guys and a variety of subterfuges in order for you to look for a file on a computer."
Joanna: "That sounds really hard!"
Will: "Ben Preswick and I will remain in constant radio contact throughout."

EDDIE SPAGHESCALADE

Edward: "I allowed myself like one moment to be happy I'm out of my coma, and now it's back to dourly hating everything. Especially you."
Samantha: "I'm just glad this is one of those episodes where we're married. Hey, are you coming to Cotillion tonight? Lots of young girls there to rape and murder, I shouldn't wonder. Oh, and I forgot to tell you this until just now, but the guy who stole your car used your ID to get into Bowers Pharmaceuticals and download certain payoff spreadsheets from the offline accounting mainframe."
Edward: "Ben Preswick? Do the police still have him in custody? Turn this Escalade around! Take me to the IT department of my family's company! I need to check our mainframe for spreadsheets!"

Instead of doing that, Samantha throws the keys out of the window. They are stopped on a two-lane bridge, meaning she has just created like five problems for no reason.

UNDER THE BRIDGE

Edward explains the entire plot of this show one more time to Samantha, making this the third time the entire plot of this show has been described in this episode alone. It is super boring and goes on and on forever and the only good part is that it's Marin Hinkle and Tate Donovan doing it, proving the whole "I wo

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Deception

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