Doorman: "I wasn't even going to. I was just going to hassle you while the heist of the century is going on upstairs forever."
Joanna: "There are easily twenty files on this computer!"
Ben Preswick: "Look for one called... I can't remember."
Joanna: "I don't see a file called that, Ben Preswick!"
Will: "Ben Preswick, we are running out of time!"
Ben Preswick: "Just look for the obvious spreadsheet that would be on the mainframe."
Joanna: "I see every quarter for 2012 except for the one you're telling me to find."
Ben Preswick: "Are you sure? Look again."
Joanna: "Okay, I'm looking again."
Ben Preswick: "Is it there?"
Joanna: "...No. Ben Preswick, it isn't there!"
This goes on for, no shit, about an hour. More than enough time for Robert Bowers to get on an elevator and go upstairs and start looking for his ID, grumbling all the way. Or so you'd think. In fact, eventually the FBI gets so "fed" up with Joanna's inability to navigate the mainframe that Will pulls her out and she goes back to her office. It was not a "go" after all, it seems.
Edward: "The IT guy showed me the file on the offline accounting mainframe server, so I deleted it. Here it is in my computer."
Samantha: "There must be like twenty files here! That is so many files!"
Edward: "And the only person who can tell me what they mean is Ben Preswick."
Samantha: "Didn't the cops say he got away?"
(Something magic happens in Edward's head that makes no sense.)
Edward: "The FBI has Ben Preswick in custody for the next twenty-four hours! I have to go bother them, that will help with this problem. They'll never suspect a thing."
Robert is tossing his office when Joanna arrives, out of breath, from her burgle. What she should say is, "I was bringing you your ID downstairs because they're harassing everybody, which is why you can't find it." What she does say is, "How's it going?"
Robert: "I own this entire building, why they need me to show ID is rassinfrassin..."
Joanna: "This ID? That I fake-found in your desk drawer you just searched?"
Robert: "Hmm. I wonder if you're working undercover for the FBI."
Joanna goes back to Ben Preswick, incensed for reasons that defy explication. In this episode, Ben Preswick looks really good. You could see the potential, heretofore, but something about the interrogation room lighting really flatters his Ben Preswick countenance.
Joanna: "The file wasn't there, Ben Preswick! Because it never existed! 2012 only had three quarters, because it was a leap year!"
Ben Preswick: "Or Edward Bowers removed it, because my actions over the last two episodes made it totally obvious that he should do that. Maybe you should ask the IT guys if he showed up today and messed with the mainframe."
Joanna: "Yeah right Edward Bowers, Ben Preswick! Now we know you killed Vivian!"
Ben Preswick: "...How the fuck does that..."
Will: "Ben Preswick, enough with your smart mouth!"
Joanna: "My new theory we just invented is that the Lyritrol trial deaths never happened, and you just made up this whistleblowing story to get her into bed, and then you killed her when she got pregnant."
Ben Preswick: "Did you do angel dust between the IT department and this scene? What the fuck are you talking about?"
Will: "She's right. You killed Vivian, and then broke into the office in the middle of the night for ... no reason whatsoever. It all fits."
Will: "Wait. If you killed your girlfriend, why hang around in a safe house for three weeks? Why not just get outta town?"
Joanna: "And if you were Edward Bowers and you killed your sister so that you could protect your company, why not kill the other guy who knew about it? Why stick him in a safe house?"
Both: "We don't know. This all stopped making sense the second we started throwing around bizarre accusations based on nothing. It's like the evidence of everything so far on this show was wiped from the mainframe ... of our minds."
Edward: "Hey, everybody! It's me, Edward Bowers, rapist and strangler and safehouse-owner! Just here to yell at everybody and act super crazy, so people will stop thinking I'm crazy!"
Joanna: (Ducks out of sight just in the nick of time -- the only thing she has ever done to protect her undercover identity.)
Will: "Edward, why are you here right now?"
Edward: "Ben Preswick is here, I can feel his presence in this building."
Will: "Ben Preswick? Who is that? The person we chased around town in over 40% of last week's episode? That Ben Preswick? Or another Ben Preswick."
Edward: "They are all the same Ben Preswick!"
Will: "Or are they?"
Random Lady: "Sir? Nichole Frishette is here to see you."
Will, snarling, horrible as usual: "Of course she is. Take me to her."
Edward: "Hot dog vendor, I will give you a cool thou to call me when Ben Preswick appears."
Hot Dog Vendor: "The Ben Preswick?"
Nichole: "Hey Will, out of the blue I've started wondering what happened to Remy Colville."
Nichole: "That paparazzo whose notebooks I have, whose investigation into the Bowers family caused his death. Like mine is surely about to do."
Will: "I really don't have time for anybody not named Ben Preswick right now."
Nichole: "Do you have time for Mia Bowers is Vivian's daughter?"
Will: "How do you know that?"
Nichole: "It is because of blogging! And now Robert is going to kill me!"
Will: "Just drop this, Nichole. As your friend and an FBI agent, I'm confirming your story and telling you to drop it. Why, you could get killed or even fired!"
Nichole: "Check and check."
Joanna: "Why was Edward here?"
Will: "Ben Preswick!"
Joanna: "Ben Preswick?"
Will: "Ben Preswick."
Joanna: "Okay I'm going to cotillion now."
Joanna: "Will, I just want you to know that Julian is going to be there, and I had sex with him as a teenager. And I am sorry."
Will: "I know. You keep saying that. But an apology doesn't mean anything unless you change your behavior. And last time I checked, you still had sex with Julian Bowers as a teenager. Apology not accepted."
Joanna: "We look so pretty! Help me put on this bracelet you loaned me."
Mia: "Sure. Help me put on these pearls Sofia gave me. They belonged to her mother, Gypsy Rose Lee."
Joanna: "What young girl doesn't look natural and classic with a big honkin' set of pearls. I hope you're looking forward to cotillion tonight. I never had one because I was poor, but I heard that the king gets to have sex with you afterwards."
Mia: "Joanna, can I ask your sisterly advice about something? Why are men such bitchy pussies about everything?"
Joanna: "Only on this show, Mia. Only on this show."
FAMEJUNKIE AFTER HRS
Nichole, in a millennial show of disobedience, has brought a homeless person into the offices from which she was today fired, and will be fucking him on all of the appliances and even Darcy's desk. He throws some paperwork around, and it's all very revolutionary because they are the 99% and Robert Bowers kills people.
Nichole: "Occupy me, homeless guy! Just occupy me!"
Homeless: "You should publish a blog entry about Mia, since we're right here next to this computer where the article has already been written and mocked up."
Nichole: "Good point! I will press the space bar."
She presses the sp