You're The Bad Guy

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
Dollar Kid/Topside Kid

Did Topside Kid work harder than anybody else? He has no way of knowing, he only knows how hard he worked. How proud he should be and he should. And to question it, at that point, is to accuse him of lying: The end result, for everybody, is their entire worth on the planet. Telling Topside Kid otherwise actually is being a dick, because he worked his ass off and anybody who doesn't have what he has is probably just being jealous. But I tell you this: Finding a way around that truth is the only way we will survive.

Anyway, Robert threatens Beverly who, as we suspected, was instrumental in the assisted-suicide of Catherine the First Mrs. Bowers and she returns the serve by noting that as her disease progresses she's going to care less and less whether she's in assisted living or the jailhouse, so he can go fuck himself. And it is great... until she oversteps by threatening in turn to let Catherine's family -- of which fortune he became the heir, remember -- know about the whole thing. Which means her ass is gonna die, probably.


Which is what's so annoying about the usage of "prodigal," actually: It means wasteful. We use it to mean a favored child returning to the family, but it actually means the opposite: it's about the Giving Tree, it's about letting somebody back into your heart after they've burned every single bridge. The kid goes out and blows his wad and has the audacity to boomerang back home, and the dad -- God, basically -- accepts him in without question, because love that big means no debt. And I've always thought it was funny, in terms of privilege and that whole thing above, that we've managed to reverse the meaning of the story and make it about someone who deserves everything they get, just for showing up.

Eddie: "So yeah, sorry the FBI didn't tell you this whole thing about Frank and Audrey, but they're setting up a sting. I'm only doing it because I feel awful about everything."
Robert: "Well, good. I am going to keep making you feel awful. Did you think I would just welcome you with open arms?"
Eddie, awesome: "No, I figured you'd be a dick about it."

More bitching and then a discussion of who the "bad guy" is in this scenario, and finally Robert just busts out the golf club he got from Dwight -- not to save Edward, of course, but to protect himself -- and hilariously Edward to "wear it around [his] neck" because he will always be the bad guy, hilariously furthering the bizarre idea that golf clubs are somehow made for strangling.

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