Deception
Deception

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 182 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
"I Accidentally Did Heroin Today."

Joanna can't wait to tell Will about sleeping with Julian, so of course he fires her off the case immediately, so of course she continues to work the case the entire episode, reporting her findings back to Will as though she were a part of the investigation, such as -- after talking a psychiatrist into giving her Vivian's taped sessions -- the fact that Vivian believed Haverstock, with whom she never stopped hooking up because that bitch was tragic as hell, was jealous enough to kill her and/or Ben Preswick.

Who did kill Rory and Ben for sure is: Audrey Cruz, who goes out in style this week: She bashes Nichole Frishette's stupid head in, and then while in the middle of cleaning up that failed murder so she can split the country, she's forced to bury a literal knife in Julian's literal back, then when the cops bust in, going for a gun so she can take down Will and Gabe, thereby ridding the show of everybody that sucks within like a 24-hour-period. But, sadly, in the end everybody but Audrey survives her murder spree ... And we learn later that Gabe is on the take from Robert, and "accidentally" shot her at what turned out to be a very convenient time for everybody.

Edward's frog dies so he takes the bloody golf club of his doom to the cops, who arrest him just long to figure out that it contains zero proof of his involvement in Kimberly Yaeger's death, so he does what any normal person would do: Walk that mother back over to the Senator's office, and beat the everloving shit out of him with it. Little does he know that the big bear of a hitman who's been following him everywhere takes this opportunity to put a couple bullets in poor ol' Samantha, who seems very dead indeed.

Our Mia Bowers has fuller days than most, it's true, but this one is a doozy: Dressed like a punk rock fairy from Dorktown, she flits to and fro, yelling at therapists and rolling around in the very bed Vivian fell out of whilst dying. (Oh, what starts it is that Sofia ducks into the men's room during their luncheon for some violent sex-from-behind with Wyatt, and we learn that her teen murder spree had to do with their unborn daughter, whose name was supposed to be Mia. It's like we can only ever hear these tiny little oblique parts of Sofia's backstory at a time, or we would lose our minds.) Anyway, then Mia accepts an invitation to a motel party -- a thing you should never, ever do -- just a few doors down, accidentally snorts a bunch of heroin, and gets very nearly raped, so Joanna rescues her and talks her into donating her marrow after all.

"I'm gonna wait a couple days, though, because I accidentally did heroin today," says our girl, who I think is gonna be okay. She mentions this multiple times because she knows how crazy and funny it sounds, but nobody else on the show has a sense of humor so they just look at her like, "And?" And nothing, stupid, I just snorted a bunch of heroin and I'm a teenage child and that's interesting.

Next Week: What they're quaintly calling a "season" finale will presumably throw all the balls back up in the air one more time but for now it's looking like Vivian's going to be working alone to actually solve Vivian's murder, since they forgot that part when they closed the case of solving Vivian's murder. Oh, and a drunken angry Sofia wrecks shop on Wyatt in a Trader Joe's, which looks fucking phenomenal.

Deception

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