"You burnt the meatloaf again?" is literally a line somebody said on television in 2010. "And what's with the candles and the good china, is it our anniversary?" is another one. Perhaps you remember these hilarious jokes from every other TV show you've ever seen. Turns out Gabrielle is having dinner on china by candlelight to thank the gay one for helping them find her misplaced baby. And at this classy dinner, she'll be serving meatloaf.
Carlos doesn't want to have dinner with the gay one, because he makes Carlos nervous and because he doesn't talk about sports or jugs or pulling fingers. Turns out Carlos asked somebody to pull his finger one time, and it was at Gabby's cousin's funeral. Doesn't that sound realistic? "I am unfit to socialize with your classy gay boyfriend. I should be forced to eat by myself... In front of the game!" Nope, not getting out of it that easily.
He has to sit there and have dinner with their family friend and attorney, a man he knows very well, no matter how much it offends his masculinity. And they have to eat burnt meatloaf, because Gabrielle is a bad wife. And sadly, she doesn't even have magical nodding witch powers like when this scenario was invented back at the beginning of TV, so punching her husband a thousand times for no reason, just like the fiery Latina she has never really been, is her only recourse.
When I tried to explain this episode to people today, and how I wasn't sure if I could even begin to recap it without just foaming at the goddamn mouth, you know what every single one of them said? "Um, that's why I stopped watching that show." And I had to say, "Yeah. Me too." Humiliation: It's not just for desperate housewives and lonely, prying ghosts anymore.
"I hope the pot roast isn't too dry," Beth says to the cellmate Derek, and over at McCluskey's house she's like, "I hope this brisket isn't too dry" and Lynette's like, "I hope these burgers aren't too overdone" and Renee's like, "I only eat celery and an ounce of cheese because I'm lonely" and over at Gabby's house the meatloaf is just untenable and over at Bree's house she's like, "Aren't oysters an aphrodisiac?" and at Susan's house she's like, "No, you mix the Kool-Aid into the Raman noodles, and that's dessert. I've got this under control. If you're really hungry we can eat the spices out of jars, they have a lot of vitamins."