Desperate Housewives

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Flipper: Faster Than Lightning & Smoother Than Silk

Also, I know Julie was grown up in some ways, but were the Knights of the Round Table really her favorite thing? I would think it would be one of those stories where the fairy godmothers come and take you away from your incompetent parent. "Oh, sorry, we made a mistake. This lady was supposed to get a head of lettuce. You have the potential to contribute to society, and thus weren't actually supposed to grow up anywhere near Wisteria Lane."

The lady loves it, so Renee shoves Susan through a screen door and tells her if she ever cockblocks her on a client again, she's getting knifed. Lynette apologizes, but only for Renee's behavior: The threat is still inherent. Susan's like, "I crossed the line, I get it," but in such a passive- aggressive way that it's absolutely confirmed that what was going on just then was her thinking this was her Good Will Hunting moment and they'd all three be like, "Oh my God, genius! Susan Delfino, could you redecorate my entire life?"

Susan's like the sad neighborhood kid that would stand out on your porch watching you eat dinner. Every week, but especially this season.

Also kind of acting that way is Gabrielle, who goes over to Bob's to borrow some (mad-lib) "eggs," and he slams his door in her face. Of course she has no idea why he's mad. Um, it's because you were totally insulting and then detonated my friendship with your husband for no reason? And now it's super-weird, and even if we got back together it wouldn't be the same, because he'd always be thinking about how I was about to grab his cock, and he'll always have to be vigilant and so we can never actually be friends again and you did that? For no reason really at all? Gabrielle's like, "Right. That."

Bob sort of explains the Flipper concept. What he should say is this: "Lee is also the Flipper, because all gay men are the Flipper, because the Flipper doesn't exist. When you have sex with a man, it's because you have chosen to do so: They are your Flipper, but they are not a Flipper, because in fact grownups are responsible for their own lives and decisions. Nobody has ever been surprised to suddenly be having sex with a man and wonder how it happened, because the most you can ever be is your own Flipper. And if they did, it's because they were being sexually assaulted, and it certainly didn't turn them gay. And if you honestly think I or anybody else believes otherwise, that's not only incredibly rude to me and to your husband, but also to yourself, because you're calling me, your friend, the rapist."

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Desperate Housewives

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