Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Flipper: Faster Than Lightning & Smoother Than Silk

Instead, he just mumbles something about how Lee stalked Ryan Seacrest, which is either the most futile thing a man can do or the most banal, but either way involves no "flipping," because that deal goes one way or the other. Bob explains that he is terribly lonely since Lee left -- so lonely, in fact, that he was willing to put up with Gabrielle's hurtful ignorance and bad meatloaf, just so that he could have some friends. And that once he did have a new friend, she took that away from him, too. Gabby says he can take Carlos with him on the weekend, and if Bob's anything like me, he's thinking, "I totally wasn't going to sleep with Carlos until you started this shit, but now my feelings are hurt." Hilariously, they agree then that of all the Lane, Tom Scavo's like two or three beers away. Which, seriously! He's a heartfelt episode of Grey's Anatomy away at best. Just stomp on his foot and wait for him to cry. Send Andrew van de Kamp in there.

Susan isn't really feeling like congratulating Lynette on the success of their first meeting, and of course Lynette has to prod and poke and push and bother her before Susan admits that she's angry: "All I did was give you a job," Lynette says, and Susan's all, "Yeah, the wrong job!" She explains about the miscommunication and how fucking gross it felt to walk in there thinking she was needed for this venture only to find out they didn't consider her to have any necessary skills whatsoever, and doing something Lynette doesn't even have time for, to boot. "It's just this awful reminder that all of my friends look at my differently now: I'm the Poor One." Lynette tries to explain that nothing will change their relationship or the way they feel about her: She will always be the Dipshitty One.

Then, hug, and Lynette goes, "I've never said this to a nanny before... How about we go downstairs and get a little drunk?" What she does not say is, "You are fired, come apply your art degree and illustration experience to our business venture. Or better yet, remember all those years you supported yourself and a teenage daughter in your giant fucking house because you had a really great job as a commercial artist? Did marrying Mike just completely sap you of the ability to take care of yourself? Or is it the extensive brain damage, because if so, I'm going to feel bad about bringing it up."

Beth's changed into her latest costume, Lady On A Swing At A Steakhouse, so that she can give Paul Young a fairly explicit broadcast hand-shandy while discussing the chiffarobe conversation she had with Derek. Not that we get to know what it's all about, but apparently he's got something "planned for our neighbors" which is shocking and crazy and arises from how badly Paul "despise[s] these people" and "need[s] these people to suffer for what they did" to him. What did they do to him? I honestly don't remember.

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Desperate Housewives




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