It was Martha that blackmailed his wife and Felicia that cut off her fingers and soaped his steps and tried to have him gassed, right? It was Mike that put him in the trunk that time, but he got him back for that during the amnesia. Susan mailed poor Zach to Abu Dhabi, but that worked out okay, and now he's a bajillionaire. Who's left for him to hate? McCluskey, because she fucks with everybody all the time. Gabrielle and Carlos, for that time with Zach's giant penis. If he's pissed at Alfre Woodard's family or those eco-terrorists, he is SOL. We are never going to see those freaks again. Bree, probably she did something to him at some point. Maybe he's mad at one of the Flippers? But if so they deserve a high five from both me and Derek. Maybe he's mad at Mary Alice's voice and that carpentry Derek's doing is some kind of device to shut her the hell up.
Beth is like, "Paul, I totally understand vengeance. Completely. And totally. I mean, I really get what a person would do, to get vengeance. Like, revenge is something I understand on a deep and personal level. There's no telling what I would do, to get revenge and vengeance on someone who had done me wrong. Or somebody in my family. Like my aunt, for blackmailing their wife into suicide after she stabbed a heroin addict. Or like my mom, for cutting off their own... But perhaps I've said too much."
Because Paul is, this week, as stupid as we're supposed to be, he's like, "No, I have no idea where you were going with that. But somebody who dresses like a child's idea of sex at the circus and will cut right to second without even dropping my jeans, while talking endlessly about revenge? That is the perfect wife. Are you sure your first name isn't Lady Mac?"
Bree's hanging out on her stairs when Keith gets to her house. He got there really fast on his rollerblades; Bree just can't quite make it up the stairs due to her wheezing and need for dialysis and a pelvic floor readjustment. Bree explains to him that they have to break up for no reason, and he says they don't -- also for no reason -- and she explains that she doesn't want to have kids, even if her shattered-glass aquarium of a womb were capable of hosting life and not just endless whispering death.
"I've had gay babies and I've had whore babies. I've had pretend babies that were really just couch cushions. I was married to a big fucking baby named Orson Hodge and it drove me to drink. I'm fucking a 37-year-old man right now, which is practically a baby by comparison. You are 17 years younger than me. That makes you... 55 years of age. I'm sorry, but you've got way too much living ahead of you. Just leave. I'll eventually make it upstairs, to die alone in my best quilted housecoat."