In another house somewhere on Wisteria Lane, a ski-masked Orson gets hit in the head with a bat by the home's resident, who says she's calling the police. He runs out. Edie's speeding down the street as she opens her phone and freaks out. Orson, all in black, stumbles through the street. You can see where this is headed, right? He pulls off his face mask, and she sees him right as she's about to hit him. She swerves and hits a telephone pole. Mary Alice starts in about life's nasty shocks as Edie lifts her head off the steering wheel. Mary Alice says they always seem to occur when we least expect them. Edie puts her hand on the metal car door and steps out into a puddle of water. The electric line hanging down also touches the metal, and Edie's electrocuted. Mary Alice: "And once our system has been jolted, the question is: 'Will we survive?'" This might actually be suspenseful if they hadn't told us that Nicollette Sheridan's leaving the show. Way to ruin the suspense, ABC people and showrunners.
Next time, people are upset. There are only five episodes left this season. Gaby thinks she's hot. Orson seems to be back in jail. Susan tells Edie's body she'll be fine. And it will be the biggest finale yet. Of course. Episodes return April 19. See you then.
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DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.