...and he's just made it onto the elevator with the bag when Tammy bursts out of their room, holding up a "diamond watch" with lots of questions in her doe eyes. John thinks fast and tells her "that's what [she] gets for surprising [him]": he didn't have time for wrapping paper! She hook, line, and sinkers into the lie, and squeals that she's "never taking [the watch] off!" Gabby, from inside the luggage: "Son of a bitch!" John kicks the bag into silence, and then leaps out of the elevator and into Tammy's arms. The elevator doors close behind him.
Alone in the elevator, Gabby whispers, "John? John?" A couple gets on at the next floor, eyeing the bag with puzzlement. Gabby pokes her finger out between two zippers and births her way out of the bag. The couple stares and stares. Gabby, patting her hair into place: "Don't laugh, I saved a bundle on airfare." Eva Longoria is really, really teeny. In fact, I think that the bag Gabby just erupted out of was carry-on-sized. Though I'm pretty sure that "ethically wishy-washy former models" are on the list of items you're no longer allowed to bring on board an airplane, so she'd probably have to be checked.
Loose Slots Susan is still at the cabin. She's lying in bed, when she hears Ian tickling the ivories downstairs. The song, I believe, is "After Hours" by the Velvet Underground? But somehow that sounds wrong. Anyway, Susan walks downstairs, all wrapped up in a blanket, and sits down next to Ian. He starts to apologize for their fight(s), but Susan shushes him with her shushing shush-hole. Now she's getting the hang of it; some men are only tolerable if you seal their mouths closed with a kiss. The scene suggestively fades to black.
Casa Parental Failure. Bree is repotting a flower and nursing her sadness over the whole Andrew thing. Orson comes out and compliments her work. She coughs her voice into life (I'd say she's been crying), and says, "It's nice to know I can raise some things correctly." She bitterly states that Andrew's never coming home, and Orson soothes that she's being way "too hard on [herself]." Bree, snappily: "And you're not being hard enough! Stop saying what I did was understandable. I'm a mother who abandoned her child. It's not natural." Orson urges her to relax and come inside. Bree: "There's a bottle of chardonnay in the refrigerator, and right now this little chore is the only thing that's keeping me from going inside and drinking the whole damn thing." Plus points for not completely ignoring the whole alcoholic storyline, but minus points for there being chardonnay in the house at all. Orson kisses Bree's head and goes back inside. Bree bursts into tears, and Orson watches her sympathetically from inside. For the first time, I'm beginning to see a faint glimmer of what Bree sees in Orson. Though his concern for Bree doesn't quite outweigh his putting Mike into a coma. And I'm pretty sure attempted murder is a red flag, even on Wisteria Lane. Then again, Bree does have history of covering up for hit-and-runners.